Posted by DaisyM on February 20, 2004, at 19:07:34
In reply to HELP! 5 yr old daughter having separation anxiety!, posted by socialdeviantjeff on February 18, 2004, at 21:05:06
Have you created transitional objects for her? Like a blanket that goes everywhere, or pillow, or animal,etc. Something special that you made or gave her? Also, a picture book with photos works really well. You and she can put it together so she can look at it when she is sad. Please remember to tell her it is OK for her to feel sad and that you do too. It is how we feel when we miss people we love.
It sounds like she is never sure that you are really coming back. Children this age think that if they get mad at you, they can hurt you some how. (Fine, I hate you if you are going to leave me here!) They feel really bad about that. So she needs to be told over and over and over again that you will ALWAYS come back, even if there are days in-between. Always.
Another thing we do with kids is play peek-a-boo (yes even 5 year olds still like it) and hide and seek. It is a theraputic way to remind them that just because you are out of sight you do still exist.
Final thing - I know she is very young, but if it gets really severe, try giving her a cell phone. Program your number and she gets to call you 3x a day (you pick, work out the schedule, whatever.) This way she always is connected to you. (get a prepaid one or find a way to keep it in a special place so she doesn't lose it.) This is powerful because she can talk to you as you close the door and drive away. Gently say, "OK, I'm at work now, I'm hanging up" might be easier than losing the connection is such a physcial way. Don't underestimate her terror of losing you. Don't assume she will out grow it without help. She will learn to bury it because "big girls" don't miss their mommy.
Hope this helps some. Good luck.
Daisy
poster:DaisyM
thread:315372
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20040219/msgs/316203.html