Posted by femlite on January 3, 2004, at 7:36:37
Hi All,
Its been so long since Ive posted (or even lurked)wasnt sure my password was still good :)
Ive been that depressed. The 4th Pssychiatrist has been tried and left.
The WB wasnt working as well as before (after 4 months) but when he took me off it I plummitted. He wanted me to use Lamictal as a monotherapy for BP. The titration period was way to long to keep me afloat.
I had some Adderall the last Pdoc prescribed. (It didnt seem to agree with me back then) Out of desperation (that pit was so dark and deep) I decided to giv the Adderall another try, I was so far down what could it hurt to experiment? For two days I felt like a human being again. (two pills was all I had left of a 5 pill trial scrip). By the time my next pdoc visti rolled around I was really stressed as I knew this doc would not go for an Adderall solution to my life dilema. I started crying from the moment got there. Of course "he" considered that evidence that I was too "unstable" to take a stimulant. The idea that a woman might cry when faced with the fore knowledge that the person sitting in front of her, she will be required to beg from to have her life back, and be told NO, didnt cross his mind.
I vowed to never see another pdoc that day. My husband suggested I give a few days (he knows me pretty well) So Ive called another.
Its a week away and the anxiety is starting to bite at me like an annoying insect. And Im afraid it will get worse each day.
Questions fill my mind. What do I say? Im doctor shopping and the last 4 didnt pan out. And worse, I want to try a stimulant and see if I can get my life back on track?
I believe psych patients are seen as guilty till what....? as soon as they sit in that chair. Docs are human, hardness of heart is something all docs have to strugle with.
I feel so hopeless. If i keep searching will I will labled, branded? This is a small town.
Ive posted this on the psych board as well, but I feel that what Im looking for is emotional support as well.
I know some here have gone to far more than 4 pdocs in their search for the "right fit".
I sometimes feel more "disorderd" at the doctors office than any where. I cant seem to represent myself and now I feel like a criminal which makes it even harder.
I know in my heart that I am truly interested in doing what is good for me. I may be willing to experiment to get there. But in the end I know when to stop the experiment and move on. I just wish someone,a doctor, had that kind of faith in me as well. But I dont see having faith in your fellowing human beings as intrinsic to pdoc thinking. Thanks for listening
poster:femlite
thread:295971
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20031229/msgs/295971.html