Posted by zeugma on January 1, 2004, at 23:37:45
I've had a very bad time during these holidays. Having to see people out of a work-related context (i.e., socially) usually triggers severe dysphoria in me, with the exception of times spent with certain friends, on a strictly one-on-one basis, where limits are strictly enforced. Parties depress me, because I tend to feel overstimulated for days afterward by the presence of large groups of people, and also by my realization of how distorted my behavior is by the AvPD. This doesn't happen when I interact one-on-one with the friends I have known for years. Unfortunately, holidays are all about parties and large social gatherings, and I went to some Christmas parties, which meant I was totally depleted by New year's Eve.
Oddly, however, I don't mind work-related interaction at all (at least since I started taking Klonopin). I have good communication skills, and I DO enjoy being around others, but ONLY if certain conditions are met (i.e., it's work-related interaction, or interaction related to a 'special interest' I have like literature.) It's kind of ridiculous, because I find that I enjoy a job with higher, not lower, levels of social interaction (maybe to compensate for my inability to interact in non-work situations?) And I feel like times when I don't go to work (like these holidays) cause me to become horribly depressed. I thought maybe the Klonopin was making me depressed, but I stopped taking it a few days ago and still felt like crap, with the added bonus that i felt like a freak when I went to the grocery store. So I started taking it again today.
I should add that I've tried CBT and it was anxiogenic for me. The problem is that outside of work I don't feel like I have a life.
poster:zeugma
thread:295591
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20031229/msgs/295591.html