Posted by fallsfall on November 27, 2003, at 10:12:12
In reply to Re: death » geri122, posted by fallsfall on November 26, 2003, at 19:25:47
Geri,
I read your posts on Psycho-Babble last night. So I have a little more information about what is happening in your life.
Since you are thinking about death, it is really important for you to get some help from someone. You really need some local real live person to be knowing what you are going through. It WILL make a difference to you - it WILL help.
Finding that person and asking for the help is incredibly difficult. Particularly when you are feeling as badly as you are feeling. I agree with the others that you should talk to your doctor or school counselor - but I also know that when I was in high school that there was no way that I would do either of those. I wouldn't know how to get in to see my doctor without involving my parents. I didn't even know who my counselor was (and even though your principal has approached you to see if you need help, Principals are SCARY). But let's try thinking of people who are less scary who could help.
The friend that you talked to. I think that she is the place to start. I'm hoping that she didn't go a long way away for Thanksgiving. Is she home? Will she be home tonight? Usually by Thanksgiving night all of the "family" things are settling down and it wouldn't be an imposition to call her. It would depend on how well you know her and her family if you could call earlier than that.
I think that the first thing you need to do is to talk to your friend. You need to tell her that you are feeling worse than you were. You need to tell her that you need some help. If, for some reason, and I don't really think this would happen - but if she doesn't hear the pain or panic or fear in your voice, and if she doesn't understand that you need HER help NOW, then I think that you will need to let her know how serious things are now. If she is ready and willing to help, then you don't have to go into the details with her if you don't want to. If she doesn't understand the seriousness of your need, then you need to make her understand. This is VERY important. If you could, you might say "I've been thinking about death alot". If that is too hard, "I don't think anyone would miss me if I were gone". Or "I don't see why I should keep trying to be happy". Or email her your post from above. Or tell her that you don't think that she really understands what you feel like, but that you need her to trust you and help you anyway.
OK. So let's assume that she says that she will help you. Now what? Think of the one adult who you trust the most in the world (I'm thinking that is not going to be one of your parents - that is OK). A grandparent? An Aunt or Uncle? Your best friend's mother? Some other friend's parent? A teacher (any teacher)? Your old Girl Scout Leader? A neighbor? A friend's older sister? People you babysit for? This person doesn't necessarily have to be in your town - you could talk to them on the phone. What you need to find is someone who you is old enough to understand how to help you who you are comfortable enough with to tell them what is really going on. Can you think of someone like that?
So at this point you would have your friend who knows that you really need some help right now. She can give you a hug (that's what I need the most), or rub your back, or just sit with you in a room so you won't have to cry alone, or just sit on the other end of the phone (or of an IM) so that you won't have to cry alone. And you have chosen an adult who you trust.
Can you see yourself getting this far? You might not be able to do it right this second ('cause it is Thanksgiving...), but do you think that you could get this far by tonight?
Can you keep in touch with us during the day? Can you find a computer even if all you say is "I'm still here"? My email is Babble Fallsfall at hotmail.com (obviously take out all the spaces and put in a '@'). I expect to be online most of the day - my family is celebrating Thanksgiving on Friday night. I may go to pick up a friend, but I wouldn't be gone more than an hour or two. You wouldn't be interrupting me if you emailed me or posted to me.
Geri, can you let me know that you've seen this post? Even if you don't want to do anything I suggest - then you can just say "NO". That's OK, too. This way wouldn't work for everyone - if you don't think it will help you, then let me know and we can figure something else out.
You are going through such a hard time - but you really are reaching out (and have been for almost a month). That is SO hard. Let people help you.
poster:fallsfall
thread:284151
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20031124/msgs/284426.html