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'Tis Our Duty To Support Legitimate Scholarship

Posted by Destroyo on November 13, 2003, at 22:45:32

Bum: Good Evening, Sir! I'm on the faculty at The Harvard University Medical School. I'm visting your fair city to do some field research in my specialty, autoanesthesiology. Might I trouble you for a modest, ad hoc, medication acquisition stipend in the amount of 50 cents?

Destroyo: You appear to be a gentleman sir, and please take no offense if your request is legitimate. My good man, so many spurious claims are made these days upon the perambulating public. True; you have the authentic body odor, and the crumbling and odious denticulation of an authentic specialist in your field. Oh, but such is the frustration of seeing one's generosity squandered! Why, would you believe it, some of these charlatans claiming to be legitimate doctors of autoanesthesiology will take one's money, and instead of spending it on alcohol or airplane glue, as a legitimate scholar would do, they brazenly march right into MacDonald's, without even bothering to even try to scuttle out of sight, and buy....a HAMBURGER!

Bum: Shocking! Have they no shame?

Destroyo: It gets worse, my friend. I know it strains the credulity, but one of these imposters actually took my money, turned right around, walked into the drugstore, and bought A CAN OF DEODORANT!

Bum: Oh, my lord! Talk about misappropriation of funds!

Destroyo: Yes, my good man, but I'm an optimist. Here, you may take this dollar; but you must promise me to spend it only on alcohol, no frivolous hamburgers, or foppish deodorant.

Bum: You have my word as a gentleman and a scholar, Sir!

Destroyo (smiling warmly): Sufficient unto the cause, my friend! (extends dollar) Here you go.

Bum: Thank you, sir

Destroyo: Not at all.


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