Posted by femlite on October 26, 2003, at 0:21:56
In reply to Re: Marriage Vs Depression » deirdrehbrt, posted by Kristen_03 on October 21, 2003, at 19:24:40
Hi Dee,
Please forgive me if my advice is contrary (as it sometimes is) and "out in left feild" and as it always is.
First or second marraige, no marriage will withstand a parner feeling they have a right to dangling a knife over the head of the other partner if things dont go their way. (The knife beeing I'll leave if you dont change.) This is serious, and will tear apart a relationship faster than any thing I know. It is conterproductive and completly destroys the trust in the marriage. If this a real relationship based on commitment, care and TRUST? (and what relationship shouldnt be?) TRUST is the only thing a marriage can stand on, and DONT you believe other wise. His knife dangling trick is an imature and desperate way to toget your attetion. He may get it But what at price to the marriage?. There has to be commitant to not resort to these low levels of negotiation and attention getting again before they destroy what precious little foundation of trust is left.
The emotional vow of marriage TRUST has to be kept sacred and all else will follow. (so does this mean I never use my credit card w/o hubyy's kowledge, ocassionally, nothing major, but i know He really loves me, and sometimes I even feel bad. We have basic trust built through years of working at it.
You have the right to explain how you feel about what he is doing to you,(hang over yout the threat of seperation whenever you dont measure up, (in other words blackmail) every time hes unhappy with the marriage, this low blow is destroying your ability to trust his commitmment to this relationship.
IN NO RELATIONSHIP ARE BOTH PEOPLE WHOLETheres always one who is more needy and by nature more creative and sometimes more fun. Then theres alwasys the one who is steady and strong.
Get Dr Phils Books on "Marraige RX" (in crisis) I dont remember the exact name, but one of the myths he lists, is that both partners have to emotionally sound for a marriage to work.
We made a voew early on that the "D" word was not allowed. It forced us to work through our difficulties.Changing partners very rarley changes the problems (uless abuse in invloved) You are the intresting one remember? YOu may not feel like it today, but your in good company, dont forget it. As it has been so eloquently stateded before me, get him to read, to talk to someone,listen to others, but realize YOU have something to offer.
If he just wont listen to reason, hog time and send him to afgahnistan for a month of two, then maybe he'll appreciate you. (Im kidding of course:)
Best to you
lots of prayers> Hello Dee
> Sorry Its taken me so long to respond back,has been a hectic week here for me.Thank You for sharing with me.Youve helped me see a lot and given me some hope that I thought I no longer had...Take care & God Bless..
> ((((DEE)))))
>
> Kristen L
poster:femlite
thread:270345
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20031020/msgs/273514.html