Posted by kara lynne on October 25, 2003, at 0:35:39
Especially around boundaries? (hi Susan!)
I just went to take the trash out--ok, ok, I'm not asleep--and noticed a motorcycle parked in my space. I have been parking in front to avoid walking past my smoking neighbor's house on the way into mine, but I like having the option of parking in my space should I want to. So I walked past the guy's apt. who I thought parked it there and agonized about saying something--we've only ever said five words to each other--we've just not seen each other more than once. But unfortunately I'm literally among low rent people at the moment, and I'm including myself, so I don't mean to offend anyone.
There is a certain jungle mentality going on and I've started out on the wrong paw. I had to go to the landlord about the noise because the people right next to me wouldn't respond to my knocking on the wall at 3am, and there has been another passive aggressive war going on about their smoking, which has been really hard for me to confront. I finally did a few days ago and learned that I had violated the Law by going to the landlord about the noise, and created enemies among the trailor park heirarchy. Knowing that I was even more loathe to talk to this man, but I crept up the stairs and called out--thankfully his door was open. I asked if that was his bike and he immediately said he'd go move it. I said he didn't need to, but said I would very much appreciate if next time he would ask me first.
He said he never sees me around, as if this was enough reason to use my parking space. I didn't know how to respond, except to say that depending on the circumstances I do use the space. I said again that it was fine for him to stay there tonight, but just to ask me first next time. He repeated that he never sees me, I guess meaning he doesn't see me to ask me. Maybe it's beyond him to consider coming to my front door, a couple of hundred feet away, and knocking on it--thinking instead he has to rely on us running into each other in order for him to ask me.
There was another guy here who apparently defended the party I complained about and I thought at first it was him, but it wasn't. He actually seemed nice enough (albeit holding a cigarette), but it was just so d*mn uncomfortable.
How do normal people deal with such things? My option would have been to say nothing, work up inordinate amounts of hostility, and be hypervigilantly on the lookout for his motorcycle in my parking space. So I tried to deal with it in the moment as best I could--standing there in my Paul Frank boxer shorts, all snotted up from this cold and pale as a sheet.
Just wondering why it is so hard to deal with the life stuff and know what is appropriate, without the mental fallout of eternal self harrassment.
poster:kara lynne
thread:273008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20031020/msgs/273008.html