Posted by Dr. Bob on October 20, 2003, at 8:27:51
In reply to Re: Boasting about Drug abuse MamaB » NikkiT2, posted by Dinah on October 19, 2003, at 9:31:09
Re: Boasting about Drug abuse Nikki
Posted by shar on October 19, 2003, at 17:01:51
In reply to http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/admin/20031008/msgs/270755.html
Nikki,
I think what MB is getting at is if we could MAKE people feel a certain way, we would undoubtedly make them feel happy and content and serene.This does not mean that what people say to us doesn't have an effect on us. However, there are a lot of people who, when confronted by negative input will choose (maybe because they were brought up that way) to think "god, that person is nuts!" Which, in many cases, is the case, imho.
There are things we feel hurt about, and those closest to us have the most "ammo" to invite us to feel worthless (which we may have learned at a very young age), or stupid, or...whatever. There are choices we can make if we know what our triggers are.
By the same token, there are things we feel bad about just because they are. The loss of someone close, the death of a beloved friend. We will feel bad about that, and that seems less of a choice to me. We miss them, we grieve.
I personally do not feel I can "make" a person feel a certain way. As I said earlier, if I had that power, I would make everyone happy. However, if I know someone's "soft spots" and jab them there, I will probably know they will feel hurt. That, thank goodness, is not my agenda. But, with some people it is their agenda, to hurt, to jab, to poke.
I believe it comes down to a difference--one person feels one way, one person feels another. And (thru 20+ years of therapy) if we can accept the differences, and hold onto ourselves during an assault, we can see that it is the other person who is attacking, and we don't necessarily have to buy what they are saying. To me. accepting differences (you see it one way, I see it another) is of utmost importance in relationships.
xoxo
Shar
poster:Dr. Bob
thread:270780
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20031020/msgs/271039.html