Posted by Susan J on October 9, 2003, at 8:46:17
In reply to I guess I'm not fixed and normal yet., posted by Susan J on October 8, 2003, at 14:54:16
Thanks so much for your encouraging words and practical advice and commentary. I really was starting tear up here at the office reading it.
Of course, I already sent the pic to the guy yesterday and he hasn't responded. So it's because: (1) I admitted to being a Redskins fan and he hates them; (2) he's been busy and hasn't had a chance to write; or (3) my picture freaked him out and he went ewwwwww!
:-)
I personally think I'm attractive. I look in the mirror and my eyes, nose, and mouth are all in the right places. I've got a cool, modern, flattering hairstyle. I like my body shape, even though it's not the classic beauty. But I think what I get stuck on is something a few of you mentioned. In a way, it doesn't really matter what I think of myself, people are *still* going to judge me on my looks. And if looks are what initially hooks a guy (men *are* more visually oriented), then I'm really behind the 8 ball.
So in the privacy of my own home, looking in my own mirror, I *do* like myself. But when I go outside and know guys are looking at me, the self-doubt comes back, and I *know* that affects my attitude and probably drives guys away more so than my looks could.
As far as a deep-seated issue, the only thing I can think of is that I was never good looking or feminine enough for my mother, who was dragging me to Weight Watchers since I was 10 years old. She made a concerted effort to never tell me I was pretty because she didn't want me to *trade* on my looks. So I never heard I was pretty, plus the little disapproving messages I received all my life from my mother about my looks.
And all that time I thought I was OK. So inside I feel OK to myself, but don't ever trust others to see me as attractive. I *know* the problem.
I just don't know how to fix it.
Susan
poster:Susan J
thread:266817
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20031002/msgs/267222.html