Posted by kara lynne on August 10, 2003, at 18:42:31
I spent the last two nights with a friend-- someone who doesn't understand depression, so I couldn't talk about a lot of what's going on. She was also drinking quite a bit and I don't drink at all, so that was difficult. I made myself go out (a la fallsfall, although I wish it had been with her!) so I wouldn't be alone. But I was tired and depressed, and I noticed most of the male attention went toward her whenever we went anywhere. Not hard to imagine why in my state, but it didn't do much for my morale.
And now I am alone. I don't want to call my ex although it's tempting. Why would I call someone who said those kinds of things about me. But then I'm lying on the couch watching the Osbourne's and I start to imagine him with another woman. I saw a real therapist last week and he said the ex would probably find another woman soon because he sounds like a dependent person. Then he asked if I was willing to risk that possiblity while I take this time to get my feet on the ground. I just have to think it through, and imagine what that other woman has to look forward to in the days to come. But at first you know, it's all wine and roses.
I'm too tired to divert my attention with things that need to be done, and there are so many of them. I think I annoyed my counselor by calling her one too many times. There's only so much desperate calling someone can do--no-one can come live my life for me.
I have no motivation. It's really, really hot. I'm doing baby steps trying to take care of myself, but it's really difficult. I won't unpack the boxes in the kitchen so I'm using one plastic fork over and over. That kind of thing.
I'm too tired to go out and find the support I need--even then I'm not sure where I would go. This is very hard.
poster:kara lynne
thread:249882
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030808/msgs/249882.html