Posted by zenhussy on July 6, 2003, at 22:13:01
In reply to Re: Worse, posted by Racer on July 6, 2003, at 21:10:08
> It's getting worse.
>
> A little while ago, I got another email from my lover's widow. She won't let it go. I've had emails and telephone calls from people I know and people I don't know, some saying just the things that hurt me most, some warning me, some just telling me to burn in hell. One, from someone who was supposed to be my friend, saying she couldn't see me anymore because of this, but I should let her know where I kept my horses so that she could warn the widow who wanted to keep track of me so that she'd never go to a barn I was at and run into me. This latest email came just after another telephone call from an unlisted number that hung up as soon as I answered.
>
> I've told my husband that I just can't keep going. I don't want to live anymore, with nothing but more of the same that I've been trying to get through these last years, with this on top of it. I tried, my god how I've tried! It's not working, I'll never get anywhere, and I can't keep trying. I'm too damn tired.Racer,
You ARE tired and worn out over all this crap. I know what it is like to be in that situation except for a vindictive bitchy widow who has nothing better to do than harass the hell out of you. Get caller id or have SBC block those numbers. She is harassing you. As far as the e-mails contact your ISP and have them block those addresses or URLs that the offending e-mails are coming from. The phone company and Internet providers tend to be quite supportive when one is being harassed. You needn't get into the details with them, just tell them enough to let them know that your life is difficult enough as it is without this crap from strangers and not so strangers (although it might be time to cut ties with such unsupportive folk--imnsho).
Decisions made in the state you are in are not ones that are made with a full mind and heart. Your mind and heart are grieving. That is what needs to take place first. Judy1 asked if you have therapist in place. If not then please do consider e-mailing me as I might be able to help since I have a rough idea of where you live and think that I know some people in that area who could be of great assistance to you.
If you want I can even give you the phone numbers of my pdoc and therapist so that you can confirm I'm not an axe murderess and that I can provide a safe space to just come and cry and grieve in. I have an empty bedroom that has been a hidey hole for many a girlfriend over the years and is always open for someone in need. I know it sounds nuts but hell when you're considering ending everything right now when you are so worn out at least rest up before making that final decision. It is yours to make but I plead with you to make it with a clearer head---which means getting away from the harassment, the husband, and all other bs that is hounding you down. Plus I have a terrific dog who is very sensitive to people in need and people in grief. She'll be by your side doing that dog healing thing that I don't quite understand but it does work. She's been my saving grace since I've been on my own this year after a long term relationship ended.
Call me nuts but I do care and am sincere in my offers. It sounds like you just need to get away from everything and since hospitals are damn expensive (I know since I don't have insurance) and retreat centers usually require some work/study if you can't pay full price and what's the point of a retreat if you have to do stuff?! At the zenhuster's B&B you wouldn't have to make the bed. You wouldn't have to do laundry. You wouldn't have to do a damn dish, wash a floor, turn on a vacuum, etc. Ocean air is quite soothing compared to the valley smog. I run a full service joint and provide great grub from the local farmer's market. I don't require anyone hiding/healing at my place to be social. I could even just leave a tray of food outside your door if you wanted total privacy. I could teach you to surf longboards. I could find some horses for you to be with locally. I could keep going on with this nuttiness....
Give it a thought.
zenhussy
poster:zenhussy
thread:239761
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030704/msgs/239761.html