Posted by noa on June 23, 2003, at 21:23:49
In reply to Noa, how is the work situation?, posted by judy1 on June 23, 2003, at 11:41:43
Thanks, Judy.
Still stressful, but I'm trying to work through it. There is an ebb and flow. I'm getting lots of support from co-workers. We're all sick and tired of the idiocy of our managers and are supporting each other through it. Especially the woman who remains with me on my team--we do daily check ins with each other, which really helps.
The sick day issue remians unresolved. I had my meeting with the 2 supervisors and I thought I was ready. When it was my turn to talk, I prefaced my remarks by asking not to be interrupted so I could get my thoughts out. Well, bully woman interrupted me on about the 2nd sentence out of my mouth, interrupting to contradict what I was saying. I reminded her that I had asked to be able to speak without interruption and she could remark afterwards. She then leaned back in her chair and with a big gesture started saying, "I wish there were a way to get you to see yourself because you get so defensive" so I just said, "I think this meeting is over" because I felt my buttons being pushed big time and I couldn't take it and had to flee. On my way out the door, I said, "I really came here wanting to have a discussion and I really want to work to resolve this, but for now the meeting is over. I will discuss this at another time, but the meeting is over now." She stood up and continued ranting about me and my defensiveness, and I just left.
The senior supervisor, who was also part of this meeting, came to see me later in the day and was actually somewhat sympathetic in her own way. She said she saw us both "pushing each others buttons" etc. and that after I left, she and the other woman had talked further and the other woman had acknowledged that her buttons were pushed, etc. I responded by saying that I know I allowed my buttons to be pushed, that I was sorry that I lost it, but that ending the meeting was waht I had to do at that point. She asked why and I said because my buttons were pushed, going on with the meeting wouldn't be productive.
She went on to say she thought the other woman and I need to meet to discuss why we push each others buttons, etc. I said I was not ready to do so. And afterward, I decided I will tell her I will not have such a meeting. I will take full responsibility for my buttons, and the other woman can handle her own buttons. I don't think an encounter session is called for. We are not peers. She is my boss.
Anyway, the senior supervisor agreed to meet with me without the bully to discuss the sick day issue, which I thought we were supposed to do last Thursday, but she wasn't available. So, it will probably happen this week.
In the meantime, I've gotten some tips from my team-mate who has had her own struggles with the bully and seems to have figured out a way to deal with it while keeping her cool.
I don't know if I can keep my cool. What happened was completely my amygdala in action--fight or flight. She, being the bully, attacks. I flee. When the amygdala takes over, it is hard to think clearly.
I am talking about this a lot in therapy--why my buttons get pushed by this woman, how to deal with it, etc. I don't know if I'll be able to deal more professionally with this-- I really am trying so hard, but my amygdala seems hot to trot!
But I feel that I can face the challenge. It is something I need to do--this kind of issue isn't limited to this setting. Learning how to deal with this will help me a lot, I feel. But I also know my limits and feel like I will leave if I have to.
poster:noa
thread:236311
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030617/msgs/236455.html