Posted by noa on June 11, 2003, at 16:51:01
In reply to Re: Workplace frustrations update Noa, posted by Emily Barrett on June 11, 2003, at 6:06:44
Thanks. See, and I think that when you are having those kinds of symptoms, you should not feel obligated to answer the phone. I am cautious about disclosing, but if at some point you need accommodations at work, you may decide to do so. Or if you think you might have memory lapses while at work and are afraid people will get the wrong idea about why. But it is such a personal decision, and you have to weigh out what the benefits of disclosing would be vs. the risks.
But you are right, it can take a lot of energy to help people understand certain symptoms and not judge us for having these symptoms.
I'm feeling more empowered today, actually. I think I have emotionally checked out, maybe that is why. I even responded improvisationally to my boss in a way I didn't expect and that makes me feel good, but perhaps is a little "wicked" of me. My response was pretty patronizing. We ran into each other in the copy room and she asked me, in her very micromanaging sort of way (totally acting out her uncontained anxiety, I've decided), if a particular task had been accomplished. When I said no, she got that angry, scared look and started going on about the number of days left to have it happen. I was totally confident it would happen, and though it hadn't already happened, the process was in motion for the things that had to happen first, leading up to it happening. So, I was happy that I did not allow my defensive buttons to be pushed, and then out of nowhere, this improvised move came out: she was standing with her hands on the copy machine, and I just kind of leaned in a little and put my hand on her arm, and looked her in the eye, smiled, and said, "Don't worry, 'M', I'm on the case." I think she was too stunned to reply and so I just went about my business and walked away. I know, it is so patronizing, but wow, it feels good to have done it!!
I continue to have my daily 5 minute consults with my co-worker where we support each other in our attempts to sort the latest stuff out, and stay centered and deal with this stuff as professionally as we can. This has helped a lot, as has talking with friends, with my therapist, and with you guys here.
I have my meeting set up with the two bosses for next week. I am not really sure what I will say, but I feel like I'll figure it out. I know some of what I want to say. My goals are different than they were before I decided it is time to find another job and leave. I'll probably get nervous before then, and who knows what idiotic nonsense will be sent my way between now and then that might agitate me. Oh well. You'll hear about it if it happens!
Thanks.
poster:noa
thread:232354
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030604/msgs/233234.html