Posted by Emily Barrett on June 4, 2003, at 3:22:06
Hello all,
This is my first post to the board. I'm glad to have found the forum and hope everyone here is feeling reasonably well. I personally experience shyness and loneliness, which I suppose could be classified as "social phobia". I also get depressed sometimes. I've been through more treatments and pdocs than I can list, sorry to say. Some of them were harmful, some did nothing at all.
I guess my main question is how do you know if you have social phobia, as opposed to just having a shy and sensitive personality? I was bullied as an "outcast" in junior high school, and had to complete high school at home, due to harassment at school. These horrible experiences alone may have affected the way in which I interact with and view people. I got through college by focusing like a laser on the academic part, and completely keeping to myself (I lived off campus).
It's been about 15 years since junior high school, yet I still feel like an "outcast" in life. When I was in my early twenties, I was abused and betrayed by my father, so I suppose that avoiding people may just be a "coping strategy" that I have developed due to extremely painful past experiences. As far as friends go, I had friends in elementary school, but then went through my entire teen years with zero friends. (I was somewhat isolated being tutored for high school at home, but it was my choice. The bullying at school was so awful and relentless I was practically suicidal over it.) In my early twenties, I managed to make a few friends who were older than me and out of college. At 24, the emotionally abusive event with my father occurred, and I guess you could say I've been pretty much alone since then. What he did to me makes it very hard for me to trust people.
Does anyone else have a similar experience? People have told me that I'm shy, but I don't know what I'm supposed to do about it. On the rare occasions that I do manage to get out to a party, I try not to act "shy" and to just be myself, but I have trouble thinking of things to say to people I've just met. Worse still is the feeling I get when I see that everyone else at the party seems to be with friends talking and laughing, and I'm just alone. I've actually had people think I was feeling sad just because I'm not smiling and laughing when I'm sitting somewhere all alone. I wasn't even feeling depressed; I think it would be rather strange to be laughing to myself! How happy can anyone appear when he or she is all alone? Anyway, I have tried Paxil for social phobia, but it didn't help any. Any suggestions as to how to have more self-confidence? Also, where do you go to meet people? I don't have much family and only two friends, so I often feel isolated. Well, thanks for listening, and best of luck to you.
Emily
poster:Emily Barrett
thread:231308
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030517/msgs/231308.html