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I So Late

Posted by kara lynne on May 19, 2003, at 21:45:10

Wish I had a good therapist. I currently see a counselor (not formerly a therapist, but therapists see her for counseling), but the lines are too blurred. We're friends, but we're not, but we are...

Had tragic experiences with therapists in the past; albeit many years back. One fell in "love" with me, then politely thanked me after 4 years of "therapy" and dismissed me as an object of his projection. When I first met him he told me how he would "love me until I could love myself", and how he would be the first healthy, non-sexualized male influence in my life. Well I still have the inappropriate letters he would write later (with his license number on the letterhead!), but it was so long ago that he can no longer be found. I had a psych. teacher try to help me with this, to try and get that elusive and magical state of closure, but we didn't get anywhere. I actually believed that we had a unique relationship that no-one would understand if I told them---just like he said. Straight out of a Lifetime Channel afterschool special.

That on the heels of dating a therapist for a year. I began as his client also, but only for a few sessions before we "changed" the relationship. And he's a PhD., yadda yadda teaches graduate psychology. Needless to say the relationship failed drastically. And yes, I've considered I might have some father issuues.

I was since in therapy with a woman (smart, huh?), but it only seemed to go so far. We got to the "snap your wrist with a rubber band" routine every time you get obsessive, self-hating thoughts-- and that was about as deep as it went. And that rubber band snapping thing has never worked very well for me.

I'm lonely. I'm isolating. I could have gone to a meditation class tonight where everybody knows my name, but I went home to "show them" and feel sorry for myself. This is never effective. On top of that I'll spend the whole night thinking I should have gone, AND there's no TV on. The bachelor has already made his decision.

Finally, I need to be studying (hello bookgurl) for one more licensing exam in a month, and I am slacking dangerously.

Help? Or just...hello??


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poster:kara lynne thread:227775
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030517/msgs/227775.html