Posted by lostsailor on April 26, 2003, at 18:16:04
In reply to Re: Awake at Dawn---tabby » lostsailor, posted by Tabitha on April 26, 2003, at 17:26:55
I highly doubt it. I don't know if I'm cute. I am told so, but what does that mean really mean. I mean I have never told someone who expressed interest in me in person/or describing her to a friend (like setting someone up on a date he/she is ugly, but at the same, don't think I am ugly. @33 I have a full-head of hair, stay in pretty good shape, am honest and kinda witty in a cynical way...but, if I could have gone home that easily with her last night, how many others could have or have.
I should not be a character judge and I am not really judging her, as it seems. "It" just wasn’t there. As silly as this sounds, I am much more a flirt than a lover per se. I want all the things that we have spoke of in bits in pieces over the past few months. Now here's a good one, though...I think one qualification would be a diagnosed DSM disorder. Is that nuts, a sense of self-doubt?? Do I want someone, not to "heal" or nurture, but just to be "eccentric together" with? The last girl I really ,kinda, there’s a bit of ambivalence for you, interested in was on meds, a bit nutty. Doc "sees" what I am saying when I describe this he claims...lol. But this girl was far from med compliant and perhaps the most un-stable person I have ever met, though I still care for her deeply. Honest. It was just that at night we'd "kiss" on the phone, hold hands, whatever and in the am, she would want to call it off. This went on for three months or so. I don't know if there was one sequential day that her feelings swords our relationship did not change. i tried, but could not walk that path for too long. There has been enough heartache in my life to almost self-sabotage it knowing ahead of time this was gonna be rocky terrain. I more than understood but there came a point, which luckily my doc basically drew for me, as may never and usually don’t, where standing on turf that so easily could erode was not healthy for me.
She even had two kids--a plus. Would I totally rule out another chance with her?--not at all. Is it likely, I doubt it.
Oh, why could am I so.... I can't even think of the right words to say it.
~tony
poster:lostsailor
thread:222539
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030426/msgs/222649.html