Posted by kara lynne on April 24, 2003, at 21:30:31
I'm in for the night. Alone. Again. With nothing but my I-want-to-die thoughts. My counselor sez they're from the abandoned child-- unstable surroundings, blah blah. Triggered by an unreliable man who keeps pushing the same buttons. I'm supposed to "not abandon myself". How can you think, "I want to die" and not abandon yourself?
My reliably abandoning boyfriend left me a xerox copy of a check R.Crumb sent to him. We live together and I haven't seen him in three days. This is his great love offering.
The mush makes it so hard to move--to get out of the mush.