Posted by ayuda on April 18, 2003, at 16:23:07
In reply to God, It's me ~tony-God or Judy bloom, posted by lostsailor on April 18, 2003, at 2:09:05
> errrr....everyone's dating and I am no-longer sure it is worth while. Is my heart just hard now. Am I being "careful" Am I just plain nuts???????? ~tony
Tony --
This might amuse you:
My last boyfriend and I broke up in January 1997, and since that time, I have had sex 5 times to date. More information than you wanted to know? -- read on!However, prior to that, from the ages of 14-31, I dated more than 100 guys, slept with more than that (no moral judgements from anyone, PLEASE, I'm a big girl, I do as I please and avoided pregnancy/diseases by being smart and prepared), and had one great heck of a time. That doesn't mean that I never fell in love, either -- I was even engaged once, in love a couple more times than that. Had the heart broken a few times (not the 1997 time, though, that was one relationship that should never have happened).
You know what? I don't miss dating at all, or even long term relationships (although I do wish sometimes that there was someone else here to go to the store or take me to school when I don't feel up to driving -- so I need a chauffer more than a husband).
I sometimes wonder if I just got jaded or something like that, but I think I just got bored with the whole thing, maybe. You know the saying about too much of a good thing....
I wouldn't say that I actively avoid men these days -- I still feel that I do as I please, and if I wanted to be out there collecting men, or even searching for my soulmate, I would, and I know it. I am working on my PhD, and my field (History) is one of my first loves, and I give it the time and energy that I want to give it, which is about all I've got (after my family, but they are 1000 miles away).
So maybe you've found something else that you love, or maybe you are just not in the mood to deal with the opposite sex. You're not nuts, at least I don't think so.
We are socialized to believe that we are supposed to want to be in long term relationships, that our personal goals HAVE TO include marriage and reproduction, that anything that deviates from those goals is insane. So you've broken out of the mold -- congratulations!!!
Maybe someday, just like Gloria Steinham (okay, I'm not a rabid feminist, but I also don't buy into the idea that I HAVE to get married to have a life and identity), I will meet my soulmate and marry him (she was 66 when she got married for the 1st time). Or maybe all of my friends, male and female, are my soulmates, and I have already established a love with them and don't need to possess another person through legal channels to love them.
You know what -- go with what YOUR heart tells you, and you will be happy.
poster:ayuda
thread:220305
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030414/msgs/220436.html