Posted by noa on April 10, 2003, at 17:07:54
Prolog--even though there is a whole lot of bad vibes happening on this board, I am trying to ignore all that and keep turning to the board as a source of support. One thing about a board is you can truly ignore stuff, unlike in real life. I am choosing to ignore a lot of stuff and not respond to it lately, because that is how I am taking care of myself. I need to do that. I understand why others might be taking breaks, but I will miss them, and wish that they could ignore some of the hostilities and provocations and manipulations and try to focus on what works here. But I also recognize how hard that is. It isn't easy for me either and I cannot say I am always in a place where I can do so much healthy ignoring. Right now I feel fortunate, because I seem to be able to ignore and not get pulled into the fray, but I understand how hard it is to do so when you are not in such a place. But if it helps, I do hope people will stick around to the extent that they are able to focus on what works here.
OK, on to the real content of the post:
Well, the meetings are scheduled, and already begun. Mine is not until tomorrow, but I already know that I'm probably not being cut. One of my friends was. My hours will be reduced for my primary role, but I know they hate part-timers so they are probably going to have me do two 1/2 time jobs.
I am sick to my stomach. The other friend and I want to do something but haven't figured out what yet.
I am releived in a way, but not. I'm angry. What they said to my friend really angers me because they're wrong. If the cut was purely financial they should have just left it at that and said it was financial and no other reason and her service has been excellent. But they had to kick her while she was down! I am sure she asked "why me?"--it is a natural question. But they should not have then given her an answer. Their answer was nebulous and unsubstantiated anyway. It was not based on fact. It had never been raised with her before as a performance issue. It wasn't even a performance issue. They accused her of not being committed to the organization and "clock watching". What bullshit. She is not a clock watcher. They hired her as a part time employee and she always got her work done. They won't admit this, but the truth is that what they wanted from us part timers was for us to make all 40 full time hours available to them on an on-call basis. Ie, "we'll pay you for 20, but if we call a meeting at the last minute that is not during your regular hours, you are supposed to change your whole life around for us." I'm sorry but they can't own all of our time.
And how dare they accuse of not being committed. It simply isn't true! She did work overtime without pay. She took on special projects of her own initiative. There are things we do that we could not have done as well as we did without her! In fact, there is an annual project I am thinking about and panicking about us doing without her! Before she took it over it didn't work well. Then she took it on and improved it 1000%, making our jobs so much easier. That is just one example.
They are stupid because she is an asset to the organization. I know there are financial cutbacks, but they could have found a way to fit all of us in elsewhere. And kicking her while she was down is just cruel and shameful and disgusting. I mean if not for the financial issue, they would not have let her go for the supposed reason they gave. So besides being untrue and based on some nebulous perception of someone who has no basis to say that, it isn't even relevant. They didn't need to give cause because they said she was laid off for cut backs and not for cause.
I wish I had the means to just quit. But reality is I don't even have one month's mortgage in the bank.
In some ways I have loved my job. I would be sad to leave. But I am also so disgusted, I wonder how I'll be able to continue there.
I will be beginning a serious job search. I am not feeling optimistic about finding something else before I have to renew my contract, but I will try.
I have my meeting tomorrow. If they are re-employing me, I don't feel I can have a smiley, "thank you I'm happy to be continuing here" sort of meeting with them.
Mind you, this isn't one of these huge corporations that always shuffles people around like furniture, it is the kind of enterprise where you would expect them to treat people better. But the organization has lost its soul.
Other people are being cut, too. Some for financial cut backs, some for cause. Some should have been cut a long time ago but have been allowed to go on for years being either totally incompetent or unethical, but had connections with the right people until now.
One other person in the adjoining dept. was cut, I think partly for cause and partly for cut backs. He knew it was coming, though. But he had tried desperately to get his supervisor to set up some supervisory goals, etc. so he could measure how well he was addressing the issues. His supervisor is totally incompetent (but still well connected so not losing his job!) and just kept avoiding giving him any answers. In fact, one time the employee asked straight out, "how do you feel I am doing lately, what do I need to improve?" and the answer from the supervisor was "There's nothing you need to change". To me, it meant they had written him off already, and because the supervisor is an idiot, he didn't know how to go through proper supervisory procedures. An idiot and passive agressive and unable to be direct about anything, and doesn't do his own work, leaving the burden to the rest of the team, and all the other people working under him are miserable and guess what? That may be the other 50% position that is open to me!! I don't know--it could be that or one other thing. But---if it is--is it going from the frying pan into the fire?
All organizations suck as employers. I have been around long enough to know that. Once upon a time I used to look for a place to work where stupid stuff wouldn't happen. That illusion is long gone.
But I am not a good solo flyer--I can't work on my own. Some people can open businesses and do consulting, etc. and are very happy with it. For some it is essential to work that way because they can't work for employers. I can and like a lot of aspects of working for an organizatio. I need the structure. I like going in and having colleagues. But I'm getting tired of the bullshit. Know what I mean?
poster:noa
thread:218303
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030407/msgs/218303.html