Posted by WorryGirl on April 6, 2003, at 18:51:50
In reply to Thank you-I can post now :o), posted by Krissy P on April 5, 2003, at 15:14:33
Oh Kristen,
I like you so much!
You sound like me in so many ways and your perception of life is quite similar.
I have a hard time with rejection, too. I get scared first, then sad, then when I can get down to what's buried beneath, I get mad. When I get over the anger, I have always somehow been able to forgive and forget. The problem is I have a lot of issues that haven't made it to the anger stage yet!>Can anyone relate?
I am realizing that I need to let people be who they are and then, CHOOSE if I want to surround myself with the positive or the negative. We all want to know we are loved and heard, and I do my best to share that with the world. Because of some insecurity, I have allowed a lot of people walk all over me. Now, when I say this, I blame no one, I really don't. Not even myself. I am trying to learn to be very gentle with myself. I was taught a lot over the years from some wonderful therapists to do these things, but after this past week, I have never been more serious (but not too serious) lolKristen, this paragraph really touched me because I do this! As pathetic as it might sound, I would be friends with ANYONE who was friendly to me. Maybe, in a way, that doesn't sound bad, but what it did is allow me to become friendly with some people who fed me with more ego-deflating actions than I needed. I wondered where all the supportive people were who didn't have to make underhanded comments anytime I shone in even the tiniest way at all.
If I only end up with one REAL friend that is so much better than a dozen or more toxic friendships.
I am getting more selective. How I try to determine if this is someone I want to be close to is:
1) What will we both get out of this friendship? Are our goals compatible? What do we have in common? Am I being friendly just because I want to be accepted?
2) Does this person feed me negative or positive energies? After we get together, do I leave feeling good or worse than before we got together?
3) We have to be able to really be ourselves and to be honest for the relationship to work. I hate walking on eggshells around people and I don't want my friends thinking they have to around me. I've always preferred the direct, blunt approach to "saying what they want to hear".
4) A good sense of humor is a must!I've also figured out that there are some people that I'm just never going to be close to, even if we have nothing against each other. I guess it's just a chemistry thing.
It sounds like you are taking positive steps in your life - heading in the right direction. Allow yourself plenty of room for trial and error.
Until I get over my social anxiety I'm always going to feel awkward in social situations, but I try to remember my real friends during these moments when I feel so alone.
You seem like someone who would be a great friend to have!
poster:WorryGirl
thread:216481
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030401/msgs/216785.html