Posted by kara lynne on March 25, 2003, at 21:40:59
I had a pretty pathetic birthday celebration at a meditation class I go to last night. (we celebrate birthdays as they come up in the class) someone forgot to call people and there were hardly any presents--I don't care about the actual presents but it looked so pathetic. A very controlling and condescending woman showed up and I shut down through the whole class. Next week we will be celebrating someone else's birthday so I will be sure to annihilate myself with comparison when I walk in and she is showered with gifts and love. I can then measure myself down and be convinced that I am worthless and unloved. Just so long as I'm dealing with everything like a grown up would (!) I'm feeling very little girl abandoned in my life. My boyfriend and I have called it quits-- another wonderful birthday present. He just can't do the relationship thing. Everytime we make something near real contact he runs, and I can't take the loneliness anymore. Everything feels extra bad because everything was supposed to be good, because it was my birthday. Another crock. It was my party and I'll cry if I want to.
poster:kara lynne
thread:212761
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030322/msgs/212761.html