Posted by Eddie Sylvano on February 24, 2003, at 10:02:29
In reply to What the f$@ is wrong with me!!!, posted by Dinah on February 22, 2003, at 18:51:11
> I am TIRED of being jerked around by these people I had the enormous misfortune to be born to.
------------------What makes you deal with them so frequently? I had a horrible time during my late teens with my father, so after I moved out, I just didn't talk to him that often. Why bother going out of my way to make him feel good when all he did was make me feel bad? After a while, he came around quite a bit, and now things are much better. Still, I'm nowhere near as close to him as my other siblings, and that's fine. I used to deal with him out of a sense of obligation ("he's my father"), but at some point, it's important to realize that just because someone is related to you doesn't mean that you owe them anything, or should have to suffer abuse from them. If nothing else, taking some time off from your family could help you gain a clearer perspective of the situation. Spend the time focusing on your own family. If you feel guilty about not talking to your family on their timetable, consider how they would react to you if you pulled the same stunts they seem to pull on you. Why should you have to tolerate a double standard? Make them appreciate that you expect fair treatment, or you won't deal with them. It's a perfectly legitimate stance. We tolerate things from our family that we would never tolerate from friends or strangers, jsut because of a sense of familial obligation (guilt). Consider that they don't seem to be plagued by any such feelings themselves.
I hope I'm not being too preachy, but I've just been through a similar situation with my girlfriend's horrible mother, and trying to get her to take a stand (which has helped a lot).
poster:Eddie Sylvano
thread:202911
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030223/msgs/203312.html