Posted by daizy on February 18, 2003, at 16:32:49
In reply to Explaining to Family » daizy, posted by shar on February 18, 2003, at 11:48:49
> That is SUCH a problem, because there is already so much baggage in place, it makes it hard for family to "hear" what's being said. My family cannot understand my depression at all, tho' they have given up the 'snap out of it' recommendations. Even the few who have dealt with depression (personally or through a friend or spouse), even clinical depression, do not understand.
>
> I spent about two years telling folks it was chemical, it was chemical, it was chemical, it was chemical, it was chemical...an imbalance in the the chemicals in my brain. I had slightly better luck with them understanding a medical model than just "depression" which they equate with a choice (your attitude determines your latitude).
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> So, I talked about how it was similar to diabetes, or to other systemic diseases that couldn't be fixed by surgery or by radiation treatment or a course of meds like penicillin. But, that meds could help if the right ones are found. And, the meds have to be taken as for a chronic condition, like cholesteral meds, etc.
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> I said things like this about 1,000 or more times.
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> They don't understand, they probably never will, but they now ACCEPT the situation as reality.
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> If there is a book you can get them to read (if they really want to 'get it') that could help, because it's not you telling them something. Or, if they have a friend who could talk to them. Part of the problem in my family is that they ARE family.
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> The only part you have real control over is how you respond to their pressure. Wouldn't it be nice if instead of guilting you, someone showed compassion? Or, spent some time with you in a way that would be comfortable for you?
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> Feeling bad because they don't understand, or even worse, feeling shame, is a dead end road. It won't help you (you are most important), and it doesn't move them toward any greater understanding either (by repeating the same pattern over and over). I got pretty direct with my family (not nasty, but just not taking too much from them, letting them know if it was a choice I sure wouldn't choose depression, and for them not to expect me to change, to just expect me to be how I was, to trust that I was doing all I could, etc).
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> It was so interesting that about 6 months ago, my mom said in passing that both of my dad's parents were severely depressed, and my dad had depression problems, too. Gee, wouldn't that have been nice to know 15 years ago...
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> Well, this is probably 10 times too long. Good luck!
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> SharIt wasnt ten times too long :-) Thanx for your insight!
Family, they just dont get it at all do they!!!
Ive given up on the Idea of sitting down and discussing it with her now. I just thought she might like to know why i cant be normal, but its just too much hassle for me today!
poster:daizy
thread:201464
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030215/msgs/201594.html