Posted by paxvox on February 8, 2003, at 20:49:52
In reply to Re: Hi! » paxvox, posted by beardedlady on February 8, 2003, at 14:20:38
My main purpose with him is to learn how to "live" in the current situation with it doing as little harm to me as it can (i.e. dragging me deeper into depressive hoplessness). He asked me a few weeks ago if I was "angry", I said, no, I was more frustrated. But after thinking about it for a week, I had to honestly say, yes, I AM angry. How do I handle my anger? Mostly by turning it inward (depression) or by venting it at other places (e.g. kicking a trashcan at work about a fairly minor irritation). He asked what I thought the source of my anger was. I said it was largely because I could not FIX the problem. But more and more I am realizing I am angry because my wife has been venting all this crap at me over the past 8 years when I WAS NEVER the cause of any of her problems. Sure, I have issues, and I am not yet walking on water, but I think I have really cleaned up my act. I just now had a confrontation with the wife about our lack of communication. How she barely even says hello to me, let alone discuss how she's feeling or how she thinks things are going. I told her I can barely even get a response when I come home and say hello besides a grunt and a half wave of her hand. Wow! That's something to look forward to after a day's work! My counselor wanted her to fill out that survey, and THAT was too much for her, because she doesn't like (or WANT ) to answer direct questions. He says this is classic passive-aggressive. She can't/won't make a decision because she feels like she's unable, then gets mad about the decision I make. I have become the priest, I have become the repressive parent, I have become the fixation of all that's wrong with her world. Yet she chooses to do nothing to resolve the problem. We were supposed to go to marital counseling, but that fell through. Her counselor wanted to let me come to meet with them, but no. My counselor wanted her to me with us, but no. I am at a loss for what to do next. My counselor says I need to stop avoiding confrontation, but instead I need to say "that makes me upset that you did that". What do I have to lose I guess? What can be worse than the cold war except open hostile shouting (which I have NEVER done). But that would only harm my little girl when she has to hear that. By the way, my older daughter quit college, and is moving out to an apartment next week. It will be interesting to see how that changes the environment of the household. Anyway, that's all I can type right now, as I am feeling my face flush, my chest tighten and my stomach churn.
PAX
poster:paxvox
thread:36628
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030208/msgs/36686.html