Posted by jodie on February 4, 2003, at 1:02:23
In reply to Re: Tension here!!!, posted by bookgurl99 on February 3, 2003, at 22:19:03
> jodie,
>
> sorry if you're feeling freaked out.
>
> i think there's a few of us opinionated types here. there may be some people that push things too far, but in general i think it's neat that we can get so much learning and knowledge out of a small thing like a joke. i can see all kinds of perspectives, some of which i may not have been aware of before.
>
> some of us like sharpening our intellect against those of others. but in general, even if i _disagree_ with someone on PB, i still like and respect them.
>
> hope i haven't caused too much of a ruckus with my egghead insistence on getting to the bottom of things,
>
> good luck, hope you get a nice rest, and peace,
>
> bookgurl99
>
> p.s. what's going on that has you stressed?*********************************************************
Really, I overreacted. I was just having a bad day.
Once I went into the hospital (about 3 yrs ago) for being suicidal, after being in the hospital for 3 days, they put me in partial hospitalization. It's where I had to go monday through friday 8am to 4 pm to group therapy. It was really interesting. Everyone in there had problems with depression, addictions, just about any psychiatric illness you can think of. We supported each other often, but there were debates too. The therapists would let us debate, they said it was good for us. We would sit in there and talk about our problems, cry on each others shoulders. But there were times someone said something that offended at least one person, then bam..chain reaction, everyone started debating. Some days I left there feeling like the group was leaving me more depressed than I was to begin with. Then there were days, I left and had a smile on my face and felt great. I did that for 6 weeks. That was my first time in group therapy. It helped me a lot, even with opinions and debates, and yes there were times I voiced my opinion rather strongly. As I'm sure will happen here sometime. :-)
I have been stressed out lately for many reasons. I have an 8 year old son, who does not live with me. He lives with his father (my ex). My ex is the custodial parent, but we have joint legal custody. I have my visitation rights, every other weekend, and one day a week for 4 hours. I talk to him on the phone often. My divorce was about 4 years ago, thats when we agreed on the custody. I was having major emotional problems from the divorce, severe depression, anxiety, and no will to live. My son had to see me like this everyday when my ex and I were separated before the divorce (about 6 months). My son lived with me during that time.
I love my son dearly, we have a great relationship. I regret everyday signing over custody. I will never forgive myself. Everytime I'm taking my son back to his fathers, he ends up crying. He tells me he wants to live with me. It breaks my heart. He is starting to ask questions like why he doesn't live with me. All I can tell him is that at the time mommy was sick, and his dad is able to provide a better environment for him.
My parents keep nagging at me to get an attorney and get custody back. (Thats a whole story in itself: my parents). Honestly I can't do that. I am mentally unstable, I have been diagnosed as having bipolar disorder, ADD, and I have Epilepsy. I am unemployed right now. I don't think I could take care of him the way he deserves. Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't abuse him or anything, I just have so many problems right now from my illnesses. Not to mention, if I ever took my ex to court to fight for custody, it would never happen. I'm sure they would find me mentally unstable. I have enough medical records to prove that!!
I cry about this all the time, guilt, regret, I'll never ever forgive myself. I also live in fear that my son is going to grow up with resentment towards me. He has none right now, but his teen years are around the corner.
Well, sorry for talking...well...typing so much. like I've told others here, once I get started, I can't stop!!!
Thank you!!! Peace right back at you!!!! Thanks for listening!!!
Jodie
poster:jodie
thread:36104
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030201/msgs/36292.html