Posted by agencypanic on January 18, 2003, at 20:17:02
Well, I'm not even sure how to begin this post. I've dealt with depression as well as paranoia, took zoloft,haldol and ativan for a while a number of years ago.
Since November I've been taking zoloft again and am not sure that it's really helping. I'm taking 50mg, but when I bump it up to 75mg I begin to feel bad. I'm taking about 1mg of ativan before bed to help with sleep. At the same time, I'm
unemployed, in debt, and just in general very unhappy. And I go through periods of extreme paranoia--I've traced this at times to lack of sleep and food, but when I'm in that state, it's difficult
to 'remember' that these are precipitating factors. But even when I correct this recently, I still find myself very ill at ease.
Today I participated in an anti-war march and found myself, my socially anxious self, surrounded by thousands of people.
And I felt as though I didn't deserve to be there, that if people knew my innermost secrets that noone would tolerate my presence.
What's more I sometimes feel as though people DO know these secrets.
I realize that I'm rambling, but I'm just unhappy and ashamed and find myself thinking more and more about suicide. Don't know what more to say.
poster:agencypanic
thread:35464
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030111/msgs/35464.html