Posted by Noa on January 14, 2003, at 19:12:54
In reply to Re: What did he say? » Dinah, posted by wharfrat on January 14, 2003, at 17:02:02
Remember the saying, "don't trust anyone over 30?" The kids of the 60's thought they invented that but I would guess it's been going on for eons.
You kid is still quite young. He doesn't need to know what he is going to do. I think what is important is if you can get him talking about his dreams. Just listen to him. And then, after a bit, start slipping in little questions to guide his thinking about how he can make his dreams happen. The world is full of possibilities that were not there when we were kids. There is no corporate loyalty or security anymore and there are a lot of new ways of working.
But keep in mind that what your kid dreams of right now can change in a couple of weeks, so don't let yourself get too invested in any idea of the moment. I think the key is, does he see possibilities for himself?
Myself? I got the lectures, too. But I got lots of mixed messages. Sometimes the message was gung-ho about high achievement, advanced degrees, blah blah blah. But sometimes the message was about the futility of a woman getting a professional degree because "they just quit to have babies anyway." Then it would be back to declaring that I needed to be this or that profession--"you need a skill, you know, so you don't end up on an assembly line..." etc. etc. Sometimes the professional aim was super high (doctor), and others it had a "practical" bent to it, as when my mom insisted all the way through my first year of college that I needed to become a dental hygienist because it was a portable, practical skill. I had nothing against the field of dental hygiene, but I had no interest in it and don't know where that bug in my mom's head came from (she probably read about it in the paper or something), and besides, my parents were paying every last little penny they had for me (and I was beginning my decades of being up to my ears in student loans) to go to an academic college that did not have a program in dental hygiene, so it was a bit odd that she obsessed about that.
Then again, it would be back to emphasizing finding Mr. Right--and it was His profession that mattered, not mine. Back and forth back and forth.
Anyway, it was very wierd, this conflicted message thing. And it was a lot of "telling me" and not a lot of willingness to listen to me. And I was very confused and I changed my major three times in college and still graduated with something impractical and went on to something very different after that. Once I was working, I started to figure out what I liked, and it was only as an adult that I was ready to really decide on a career path.
poster:Noa
thread:35223
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030111/msgs/35232.html