Posted by bluedog on December 29, 2002, at 9:37:24
In reply to Re: I'm a mess now, posted by cubbybear on December 26, 2002, at 23:53:12
> Hi bluedog,
> Sorry to have to tell you that now I myself have taken a terrible fall, as a consequence of my short-tempered personality, that spilled over at work, alienating co-workers and Thai teachers. I also received a note from a friend of 7 years implying that he's breaking off the friendship. My moodiness and "prickly" nature (as he put it) has apparently gotten to be too much for him to deal with any longer. (It's a unique relationship, in that we communicate only by E-mail and see each other only once a year in April when I visit the U.S.) So he sent a note to me last night that hit me like a bomb.
> I have a feeling that all the ingredients are in place to trigger another depression, after I had had made such a fine recovery. It might be that the Aurorix will be put to the test for me a lot sooner than I thought. I have an appointment with the Dr. tonight (my reg. Fri. session) and I'll tell him of the horrors that I've been through over the past couple of days. I'm hoping that you will get your E-mail going soon, but either way, we'll be in touch.
> regards,
> cubbybearHi Cubbybear
I wasn't going to respond to your message until after you'd been to see your Doc. I can see that you've now posted a message on the med board so I will split my response between the social board and the med board.
I am sorry that you have had such a horror of a day on Friday. Did you have your troubles at work because of the message from your email friend or was it just a terrible coincidence that these events happened so close together yet independantly of eachother?
Did you get the sense that there was a sense of permanancy in your friends message? Sometimes what may seem all doom and gloom may be a distortion of reality. It may be that your friend is having troubles of his own and simply needs to keep to himself for a while. I have an email friendship where at times we are in constant communication with eachother whereas at other times we can go months without any contact whatsoever. I myself go through dark periods where I won't even respond to emails that are sent to me from my friend and the same goes for my friend. At other times we will tell eachother that due to whatever reasons (sometimes no reasons are given at all) that we will agree not to contact eachother for a period.
I initially had difficulty with this but life has taught me that as a true friend I should respect my friends wishes and know that they still hold me in their heart but simply need time to sort out whatever it that is happening in their life. We then simply accept the others wishes no matter how personally painful it may seem.
NOW what I'm going to say to you may seem hard and perhaps even callous but take it from someone with personal experience that I have learnt that if all my communications to my friends are negative or (prickly) as you put it that this can become very draining on the other person. I have a tendency to do this at the darkest times in my life and it is at these times that my friend will sometimes tell me that they still love me and that their thoughts are with me but that thay are currently not in a position to deal with my troubles on top of their own busy schedules. This can be very painful but is a very hard reality that life sometimes deals out.
AS the old saying goes "Everybody has their own cross to bear"
SOMETIMES YOU SIMPLY NEED YOUR OWN SPACE. I myself am going through a dark period with my return to work, a relapse of my depression and a dose of the flu on top of this all. Of course these things are all interrelated. But experience has taught me that these dark periods do not last forever though at the time it certainly feels like it.
You were very positive in your previous posts at having overcome a very dark depression so I KNOW that you have the strength deep inside you to overcome this current setback. If you view this as merely a setback in the entire scheme of your life and existence it may help you to put things into perspective rather than viewing it as a relapse back into a dark depression.
Finally I am going to advise you to spread your wings a little and slowly but surely learn to share and trust some of your feelings with the very caring community within psychobabble. I can guarantee you that 100% of the posters here have been exactly where you are right now. USE THIS RESOURCE - IT CAN BE A TRUE GOLDMINE AND ALSO A LIFELINE. It will take a little time for the other posters to get to know you and even to trust you but once they start to understand your own unique personality you will be amazed at the positive and uplifting responses you will receive.
One warning though, you may not agree with all the advice that is given to you but accept that the advice that is given is given in good faith and with the best of intentions.
The more people you can spread your load with the lighter that load becomes rather than relying on just one or two persons such as your US email friend to share your burden with. Also by sharing the load there are always at least one or two people on this board who are in an "up" phase of their lives and will be able to give you clear and insightful advice even when others may be in a "down" stage like yourself at this moment in time.
I give you my warmest regards and grant you the strength to overcome your current problems. You've done it before so you can do it again.
bluedog
poster:bluedog
thread:33345
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20021226/msgs/34144.html