Posted by Anna Laura on December 23, 2002, at 3:55:10
In reply to is this depression? awful whatever it is, posted by Tabitha on December 22, 2002, at 2:55:01
> what the heck is wrong with me? I'm not sure I've felt this way before. Maybe I've just been halfway stable for so long I've forgotten. It's just a constant feeling of pressure and worry and the main piece of it is just a feeling that everything is not OK. when I try to analyze it, I just recyle anger and worry and it gets worse.
>
> It's not quite the same as I remember from my blackest depressions. The main feeling there was fear and horror. and a lot of panic that I wouldn't be able to act normal and function and keep up with life's obligations. Not this unease.
>
> Not long ago, I'd wake up and feel like yes, life had its problems, and was severly lacking in many areas, but overall, I was fine. I felt grateful a lot that life was pretty much OK, and I often felt happy.
>
> I can't even believe that the job stress could drive me from relatively OK to this state. I've had job stress forever, yet somehow it seems like it just pushed me over the edge.
>
> I know a long time ago (years) I felt desperate almost constantly. It's almost like that, but the desperation is different. Then I was desperate for social acceptance or romance. Now I just feel desperate for a sustainable and balanced life.
>
> I've come to the conclusion that I just can't go on living this way, with the overwork and the stress. I don't know how to make a better life. Is that the source of the anxiety? I know this has to end, and I don't know what the next phase will look like, or how to get there.
>
> Is it just christmas stress in disguise? Usually that manifests as lethargy and depression, not all this worry.
>Tabitha,
I don't know for how long you have been depressed, don't want to alarm you, just to remind you that depression keeps on changing over time and could show up like a "mild neurosis", or a progressive inability to handle stress no matter what you do and how hard you try (psycho-therapy, self-interrogation and such).
It happened to me years ago and i didn't realize it was depression 'cause i didn't feel depressed, just more apathetic and blunted, kind of feeble and fragile (never felt like that before), and unable to handle stress; i would come home from work at night with racing thoughts about my work and collegues. That's how it started; it took years to develop: it was like a constant, subtle deterioration if you know what i mean.I didn't mean to scare you, just be whatchful
poster:Anna Laura
thread:33743
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20021218/msgs/33792.html