Posted by Miller on December 22, 2002, at 20:30:19
So, I have been thinking a lot about this site as well as others similar. I keep wondering why I am so drawn to a place like this. On one hand, I feel as if I am a five-year-old in the middle of a teenage gang. You know the feeling; a little uncomfortable, wanting to impress, doubting my abilities, etc. Yet, I also feel the need to get feedback from other people who I think may know more than I.
I was thinking that it is really hard to tell, without actual words, the perception people are getting from me. The people on this board that I think don't like me, am I being paranoid? Are there people that I have hurt? Do some of this community think I am really bad news? Am I being avoided and ignored because of my lack of communication skills?
I think that to start or to respond to a post takes so much courage. We know what happens if people are in disagreement. But when an opinion is formed, is it possible to change it on a forum such as this?
I responded to a post earlier that made think about how I act and react to posts. I do feel so close to others that express emotional pain. I know they may be like me and continually check the board for responses in an attempt to find the cure to their misery.
I am disappointed with myself for not being able to help others as they need to be. Yet, I know that when I am sad and alone, I want to have something to hold on to. It could be anger, hope, humor, or any other emotion that will alleviate the pain for even a little bit. Why is it that when I try to send the things I think I would need, it doesn't help anyone? How can I backtrack and get people to know that I am not evil, mean, or hurtful?
Thanks to anyone who has read this post. There is no need to reply. Most of this is rambling and retorical.
To all that are hurting: I hope you find peace. If there is something you want, or need, to feel better, please ask.
-Miller
poster:Miller
thread:33767
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20021218/msgs/33767.html