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Re: Gabbi--the acupuncture, other stuff, etc.

Posted by Roo on August 31, 2002, at 15:12:11

In reply to Roo,Alii,thanks for intro to Rob.B, and the link., posted by gabbix2 on August 31, 2002, at 14:50:09

Gabbi--sorry you haven't been feeling so hot either...glad
you're starting to feel better though (I think?).
Yeah, I'm feeling pretty shitty. Damn. I have started the
acupuncture...I had it last wednesday and I'm going to do it
weekly. The thing is, it feels pretty good at the time, but it
doesn't last. Same thing with the chinese medicine tea she has me
drink every morning...I feel a slight lift right after drinking it, but
it doesn't last. I try other stuff...like when I exercise I feel
GREAT...normal...but it doesn't last but for an hour at the most...meditation...
will help, but only for about 30 minutes or so....when the effects
of the acupuncture, tea, exercise, meditation, or talking with a friend
about a problem wear off...I'm like in this excruciating place...just crying
all the time, feeling like a total loser and failure.
My rational side of my brain says "Just give the acupuncture at least a month
before giving in and going on meds"...but the emotional part says I can't take
it another month (because it's already been 4 months of misery)...I just have never
been able to make it very long off meds, I just get too miserable, and I always wonder
"maybe if I'd just waited a little longer...it would have settled down"...and I never know
because I can never wait a litttle longer. So part of me thinks maybe I should just
grit my teeth and FORCE myself to wait longer just so I can say, once and for all, that
I know I tried something alternative for a REASONABLE amount of time, and it didn't work.

Lots of other stuff...I heard you say in a previous post that you can still get upset
over relationships that ended a long time ago. That's where I am. I am STILL crying and
feeling like a loser over this past relationship where I got dumped (basically for my
depression) and it was only a 6 month relationship, and it's been over for over 3 months,
and I'm STILL crying over the dude. I don't get it. Maybe it's just because I'm not on
drugs and I'm depressed. Somehow I feel like if I were on meds, I'd be over this by now.
But I continue to judge my self worth on how this guy perceived me (basically as someone
he didn't care enough to stay with) and I still let this effect how I feel about myself. It
pisses me off and humiliates me because I'm sure he doesn't give me a second thought at this
point, I'm the one pining away. And the guy that I was in a long term relationship with (we
were engaged) is getting married in a couple of days. That really depresses me too. I feel like
a failure on so many levels: relationships, work, the ability to be happy, and sexually (the whole reason
I try and get off meds is b/c I can't stand how they effect me sexually)....

Ok, I've rambled...PLEASE don't feel you need to respond...I just needed to
vent for myself.

I want so bad for someone to tell me I'm okay and wonderful, but I know it's not
going to mean anything unless I can believe it about myself, and I can't seem to do
that.

Maybe I should just go back on drugs...then all this wouldn't
be so damn painful.


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poster:Roo thread:29674
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20020829/msgs/29677.html