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Re: life is a lesson we forget but... » ctrlaltndel

Posted by jay on August 22, 2002, at 6:37:50

In reply to life is a lesson we forget but..., posted by ctrlaltndel on August 21, 2002, at 16:36:19


Well...I've said this before...and I don't think there is anything wrong with 'forgetting'. Buddhists value the concept, and I think we over-value 'memory' too much here in the West.
Not that I think we should just forget everything we have learnt in our past, or the good times we have had, but when we let that take away from the joy of today, that's where the problem is.

Maybe that is the value in 'letting-go'...there is a liberating freedom in that. I think back to a VERY dark period in my life a few years ago, and I am SOOOO happy to burry that.

You know, ya, I miss some of who I 'used to be..'...but it really doesn't matter now. I've got to value who I am now.....it's called me up to create a new life for myself. To be honest, I know I am doing and feeling my best when I speak like this, because it is that persistent, dark melancholy "..and the infinite sadness..", that causes me to want yesterday...and grieve over things that may seemed to have been great at the time, but really weren't so great.

So...I hope I make sense here. This may sound a bit escapist, but I am fond sometimes of the memory lapses caused by benzos in particular. On a bad night, I would sometimes pop back a few extra Xanax, and put on some soft music, maybe have a bit of wine or whatever, and as long as my other meds where doing their job, it worked out great. I could 'break' a really foul mood like that. Now, I don't mean every night doing this....but I guess that's why I find benzos just beyond 'excellent'. Without any tolerance, they always cause this nice super-sized relaxation in me, great for 'winding down'. And no...I never need 'more'...and take the same dose I have for the past eight or so years.

Anyhow...I'll shut up now. :-)

Peace,
Jay


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