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Re: foot in mouth 1

Posted by Hollywood Jerry on April 22, 2002, at 3:19:55

In reply to Re: Whoa, Passive Aggressive Behavior, posted by Hollywood Jerry on April 22, 2002, at 3:02:13


>
> This is the really alias JohnX2
> (Hollwood Jerry is a can-of-worms pseudonym).
> I can't get in on my JohnX2 passoword, so I'm going back
> to Jerry (who was supposed to be retired) for this post.
>
> No, I really thing this post should be discarded, as it is junk.
>
> And here is why, I have been learning/coping, etc about passive aggressive personality
> disorder and I'm starting to think that this is a core issue with anger
> issues that I need to deal with (yes they flare up worse when agitated/manic), but
> I think I would be kidding myself to say that I don't use this gross tool otherwise.
> It probably a learned behaviour from my father, but that's no excused for the cruelty that could be inferred from
> this post (in my view) and the timing of the post (just after SAR's death).
>
> This may get redirected to admin...sorry
>
> Look, there was a spat about an interview by Jannelle (sorry , SP) regarding status
> of people taking LOA from work (I believe). And a few things lead to
> some bickering regarding the appopriateness of such a post. At the time I
> was angry, mainly because I had specifically spent a substantial amount
> of my time helping Jannelle with her problem. There are *MANY* problems
> with this above post of mine (with a line of thinking):

Oh crud, rephrase "Janelle with her problem" with "the issues Jannelle was
trying to tackle at the time."

>
> A) I should not had gotton angry at Lou (and I was attacking 2 things, I'll describe
> below), because of past bias working with Jannelle.
>
> B) I was expressing my thoughts in a passive aggressive manner (the pseudonism, etc).
> This is wrong. A personality defect on my behalf? that I must work on (deeling with/finding new
> coping skills for anger). Passive aggressive behavior leads to uncertainty amongt the group on where people
> stand. And is coverty chaotic and deceptive.
>
> C) On Lou's behalf, Jannelles survey frankly was a bit insulting to
> people who may not have the "priveledges" of others. I did not feel uncomfortable answering
> the survey for my own reasons. But I could definately see where this would
> be an affront to people with other situations/histories/means. This is my opinion.
> No passive aggression bullshit. This is my thought. (I think if the survey was
> set up right and volunteery, I dunno, maybe there would have been a good system,
> tough call don't get me into that debate.
>

Sorry "have the priveledges" may be misconstriued.
I really may have said "access to certain
resources". Also Lou makes good point that survey may bring up bad
memories from the past.

> D) Here is the big can of worms. The message that was sent was a
> quote from Lou's previous post, "The 7 Gates on the Road on the Crown of Life."
> Well, to but it lightly, THIS WAS WRONG. I was trying to do something to be
> offensive to Lou, but instead of choosing something like "SHUT UP LOU!" (still wrong).
> I just grabbed his last post title. Now I realize, being confused about my
> own spiritual feelings, that this indirectly was a major attack on an entire
> group. This may practicly be construed as "your belief system is
> wrong". Whoa, uncivil and disguisting! Personally I don't quite grasp my own
> spiritual feelings, much less others...need to work on this area.
>
> E) In order to understand the message you may need
> means not available to everyone (like an engineering
> type background). NOW I see that this relates to issue C.
> This may really piss people off understandably.
>
> F) Instead of thinking carefully through my thoughts and expressing
> them or not expressing them, I was so worried about being within the
> bounds of what is socially acceptable that I resorted to passive aggressive
> behavior. Sorry this was to be a slam on Bob, I should just make my opinions
> on Bob's civilty rules clearly, AND as a seperate issue.
>
> G) The timing with SAR's death. This problem I realized after coming
> off my anger bit and understanding the issues at hand (which lead to the
> follow up post asking to delete the post). It wasn't deleted. In the follow
> up I mentioned that the post was "silly" but it light of A-G I would say
> it was not "silly".
>
> So basically I owe an apology to the newsboard. To Lou and
> the people offended/hurt, and to Dr. Bob.
>
> Maybe I should be banned for my actions in proportion to the others who
> were banned, Lou, Zoe..whoever else. I dunno rememeber the fallout was
> bad (sorry to drudge this up, but I want to get closure).
>
> Anyways, this was just one of a few situation were I behaved very
> inappropriately as of late. I have set my priority to better learn to deal
> with feelings of anger (where they come from), also will need to work hard to
> come to terms with my spiritual thoughts/confusion.
>
> Thanks for your time (if you could stand reading this).
>
> Why I went into posting under a pseudonym is another big ugly
> discussion, which I intend to clear the water on.
>
> JohnX2


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poster:Hollywood Jerry thread:21619
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20020411/msgs/22393.html