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Re: I am SOOOO right where you are!!! » Dinah

Posted by Penny on March 25, 2002, at 11:23:26

In reply to Re: I am SOOOO right where you are!!! » Penny, posted by Dinah on March 25, 2002, at 8:34:54

Thank you, Dinah, for your thoughts. (And, FYI, I'm very glad you are back on the board. I love reading your posts, as you are a wonderful voice of reason!)

I liked the substitute therapist okay, but she was a bit too honest with me, I think. She certainly told me what she thought, etc., and she didn't sugar coat it at all. And I suppose that's a good thing, but there are times I can deal with those things and times that they send me spiraling downward. My 'real' therapist has a way of making the same point without making me feel bad in the process. She sort of leads me on a path of self-discovery instead of just saying whatever. And I guess that the limited time I would have with the substitute would make a difference, but...

Right now I'm still not stabilized on meds and I'm focusing more on that and on getting somewhat better (my moods are fluctuating rapidly). And I'd really rather just have support right now from someone than someone in my face telling me "You don't want to be in therapy forever, do you?"

Admittedly, I will have to deal with this at some point. But I really don't know if I can right now. If I even start thinking about it, I get in a bad place. The suicidal thoughts increase, I get all out of sorts. I'm taking things hour by hour most of the time lately.

I've been seeing my pdoc weekly since before my therapist went on maternity leave, and I told the substitute that (I really like my current pdoc), and she said "But how long does he really spend with you?" And I told her that I spend about 30 minutes with him and I have his pager number and he encourages me to page him "anytime" and she responded with "Oh, that's very unusual." I said, "Yeah, I know...I've been through this before." But he told me when I saw him on Friday that she had called him to check on me (it's been about 2 weeks since I saw her, and I told her I'd call if I needed her).

I don't know. I feel very confused, but not very cooperative with the substitute. I told my pdoc that I was not seeing her and why, and he said he understood, that it was hard with a substitute.

To be honest, the thought of going back to the substitute, with her strong personality, makes me nauseated. I'm very ready for my therapist to return, but I know I've still got four weeks. I just don't know how much I can really deal with this transference right now...

Thanks, Dinah!
Penny


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