Posted by IsoM on March 18, 2002, at 23:39:52
In reply to Some web sites on co-dependence, posted by sid on March 18, 2002, at 23:19:46
Thanks both trouble & sid. I like the idea of pretending I'm someone else doing it for me. I often used my imagination in all sort of things growing up, it made many things bearable & I still kinda get a kick out of doing it now. I think it's a great suggestion. I'll carry on a two-sided conversation that should make it easier. (Long as nobody else hears me & phone for the men in the little white suits to come for me.)
Sid, because I'm a very take-charge type of person (but don't always follow through with it), that may account for why many traits don't fit me. I did need to grow up quickly & take charge. My Mom was very encouraging but she was a shy, insecure woman herself & I'd often be her advocate from a bullying husband/father & greedy, free-loading relatives.
I know for a certainty that I got into a co-dependent relationship with my husband. I resented it & hated it, but if I didn't do something & take charge, nothing at all ever was accomplished. My youngest son said he was so good at fooling people but thought he was an expert in passive-aggression after he grew up & could see it from an adult's view. Whenever I tried to get a idea of what mt ex- wanted to do, he'd say one of three things "I don't know", "I don't care" or "I guess so". He'd never come out & state anything emphatically. I was always left to guess & then he'd go do it his own way anyway without ever telling me. Twenty four years of that was bound to leave a strong imprint on me.
Your comments, sid, to trouble about looking after yourself as your own child, I found surprising as it's how I often view myself - as a child I need to look after & talk with. Coping strategies, hey? I'll try my best to put these ideas into practice.
poster:IsoM
thread:20131
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20020314/msgs/20181.html