Posted by JohnX2 on March 7, 2002, at 3:42:08
In reply to Don't try to tell me you're not one of them, posted by trouble on March 6, 2002, at 21:30:50
hi trouble,I want to open my mind to new things beyond
my field of vision.When you sit down and compose a piece art like this
which I could never fathom writing, how would
you describe the thought process involved?
Do the thoughts just click in your head?I try to understand this because I had a buddy
in college who was a history major who could take
a crummy paper I wrote and return it to me in a
form that more or less conveyed the same point with
so much more...elegance. This same person who was so
terribly brilliant in my mind could not do a simple
algebra equation in a statistics class I tutored him
on.Why is it that some people get it and some people
don't (in their own ways)? Sorry I can't put it more elegantly,
maybe I can punch out some cool math equations to
express this and form some new art.-John
> Say I'm right about everything. My trajectory. I know exactly how I got from there to here.
> What's the next step?
> Please don't give me DBT I tried that already and it didn't wash.
> My pdoc throws me a rope and I say get that thing out of my face, things are just fine here on the Titanic. Ok, maybe not fine but this is my Home, show some respect.
>
> My parents refused to take care of me when I needed them to and it's too late for your hot cocoa and medication to undo the damage. The word for that is hubris. You think you're different from my mom and my dad, you have no idea that you're picking up exactly where they left off. And just like them you charge me staggering fees for every minute of it.
>
> You don't mean to call me names.
> Neither did they.
> Anti-social tendencies, histrionic personality disorder, masochistic, shizoaffective, depressive paranoid type w/ psychotic features, these labels that have been slapped on me are so contradictory if I was a suitcase I'd be lost in the cosmos forever, shuffled from one hangar to the next, just another forgotten child nobody is looking for. We're out there, bub.
>
> You're not about to let me guilt-trip you for doing your duty. It's your job to call them as you see them. I should pay no mind, they're only insults, whining about them will only impede my progress.
>
> You took my trauma away from me. You stole my past and replaced it with a box full of stigma. It's only stigma you said, don't exaggerate its importance. We don't talk about such things in this courthouse. Plus you're sorry. I must forgive you.
>
> You robbed me of my reasons for being. That's as literal as it gets. There are reasons I am choking on my own chaos, and they do not fall under the rubric of ADHD. Why did you take my history from me, my context, my framework, and replace it w/ degradation? I'm getting a little grandiose about this. I DO give a damn about my reputation and I am disgraced by these diagnostic labels, which hold up around the water cooler no less than they do in a court of law.
>
> White male supremacist defender of corporal punishment head of the patriarchal household bastard and that is law number one: nothing leaves this house. Nothing we do to you matters, it didn't matter then and it doesn't matter now. Pain makes you strong little girl. Keep your mouth shut if you know what's good for you. We are truly fucking sorry but Freud is dead.
>
> Unresolved childhood trauma is a thing of the past.
> Childhood trauma is a thing of the past.
>
> You are not what's hurting me. I'm what's hurting me. Something within myself is the be-all and end all of my pathology. It has a name. It's written down. You're sorry, but it's for insurance purposes. You never say this. I'm supposed to figure it out, your sympathy, I'm supposed to read your mind, and that's a double bind you call pathological too.
>
> What else?
> I'm supposed to know your apology is a perfunctory one, and won't stand up under scrutiny. Naming it will only place an awkward burden on our therapeutic alliance. It's not your fault you have to label me, it wasn't her fault she had to shove my head down the toilet.
>
> This is the thanks you get for correcting her mistakes.
>
> trouble
poster:JohnX2
thread:19430
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20020305/msgs/19448.html