Posted by susan C on March 6, 2002, at 13:09:21
Can an egg white and yoke get separated, once scrambled? Or does it move on to be something new, like a soufflee or omlette? And, does the omlette have an accurate memory its previous life in the shell? When our innocence is gone, yet we still appreciate the days of wonder, can we still call it innocence?
I am taking some time here to write out my thoughts. I am having one of those “creative moments” where I pick up different phrases and there is a synergy of thought and perspective. Sometimes these come during times of manic where I sort out my life’s possestions tossing things hither and yon. Often the days are clear and bright, a seeming analogy to my train of thought. I know I am bordering on manic when I cant bear to NOT get things done and my list measures in the double digits and I get them all done in a day. I dont think that is going to happen today. I think this experience of insight has more to do with a combination of things.
Most Particularly, I want to thank you. Somethings you have talked about have triggered some trains of thought…some perspectives.
I know part of this process is I am also about to say goodby to my young son as he leaves for language exchange for a year. I will miss him, as any mother would miss her last child, but also I will miss him because he is so thoughtful and has been ‘around’ every day. I truly hope my struggles with my illness have not put him in the parenting role, but rather given him insight into the world and how sometimes people are unable to cope.
So, I rest, and as I lay with my eyes closed, tears stream down my face. Yes, I will still be with my husband, yes, my world is stable around me. But- What, what, will now occupy my time? I realized he takes care of almost all his washing and his room is separate…so when he leaves, really, what I loose is daily companionship.
A real life person to check in with and hear stories I have heard all his life. Funny stories, reflection on life stories. Yes, my husband is still here, but, hey, I have heard all his stories, besides he is an old man, not young and still a new life ahead, mysteries to solve and passions to be endured and cast aside.
I want to thank you, through all your sharings, good, bad, angry, and difficult. If I dont respond, it is still percolating over in this wee brain...percolating and thinking, hmm, in someways all these people are struggling with the same things I am struggling with and if i just keep going, I think I can, I think I can...toot toot.
mouse with engineers cap, waving as she goes round the track
poster:susan C
thread:19396
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20020305/msgs/19396.html