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Re: Sister, my sister » sar

Posted by Penny on March 5, 2002, at 13:45:37

In reply to Re: Sister, my sister » Penny, posted by sar on March 5, 2002, at 13:21:48

>the last time i was hospitalised (january of >this year) everyone said, "What are you doing >here? you seem so normal. happy-go-lucky. yang. >*What* are you doing here?" i was there because >i go along and go along and then i decide to >kill myself.

Sar,

Yeah...I can relate to this...my best friend thinks I need to be hospitalized b/c of similar circumstances. I'm fighting it b/c I haven't actually had a suicide attempt, though I've come close. I think I crossed the line with her Friday a week ago, when I called her in quite a 'state'...laying on the floor, crying, hating myself, wondering if I had enough pills to do the job, etc. And, fairly frequently, I stand in my bedroom, which is a loft of sorts & has a window overlooking the downstairs, and think about how I would have to fall to ensure that I didn't survive it. Other times, I can see how crazy that is! And, I think I can at the time too, but knowing that it's not 'logical' doesn't make it seem any better!!!

Wow...it feels better to know that I'm not the only one...

Penny


> you sound *exactly* like me....
>
>
>
>
> > > My pdoc has me now as Mood Disorder NOS, and has also mentioned Schizoaffective Disorder.
> >
> > KK - My new pdoc hasn't mentioned Schizoaffective Disorder, but has changed my 'official' diagnosis to Mood Disorder NOS. In the past it has always been Major Depressive Disorder - Recurrent, which I never thought fully described my situation. My therapist added Dysthymic Disorder, which we traced back to about age 10, and which my two previous pdocs completely ignored. But my moods definitely cycle, quite rapidly (over the course of a day) from feeling 'okay' to feeling suicidal. I don't think I qualify for manic depression, b/c I don't think I've ever had a manic episode, and I don't think I've ever experienced any kind of psychosis, but...
> >
> > Any particular reason your pdoc diagnosed you with Mood Disorders NOS?


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