Posted by akc on December 6, 2001, at 22:39:06
First, before I write anything about my therapist, I want to thank all of you who have been reaching out to help me this past week. I have been leaning on you all a lot -- and it has meant a lot to me -- as you can tell, I am still struggling, but knowing that I have this board I can bare my sole to is a comfort during this storm I am going through.
Several of you have posted with questions, concerns, comments regarding my therapist (and some about my pdoc). I have posted some angry words this week about my therapist. First, I should make it clear that in my state of mind, some of my anger is misdirected. She has not done anything as horrible as I am afraid I have made it appear.
My therapist does not belong to any one "school" of thought -- she takes a little bit from here and there as she believes it is applicable. So some weeks I swear I am seeing a cognitive specialist, the next on to another camp.
Given my horrid childhood and lack of any nuturing or coping skills, she happens to believe that it is essential that I do "parts" work -- specifically learning how to nuture that little girl who never got nutured growing up. Now I have some history with this -- some from some therapy I did long before I started seeing her, some in the two years I have been with her.
I'm very resistant to this -- but an important thing to note is I'm resistant to everything right now. Any theory or solution she could come up with isn't going to be the one I want if it is not my solemate -- who I am convinced does not exist, therefore why go on living (mom, pets)? Another post.
I do see a seperate pdoc. Both my t and pdoc communicate with each other about my care. One nice thing about my t is she is also an RN -- so I can talk to her about my meds between appointments with my pdoc.
I just wanted to share some of this because in my anger I was afraid that you were getting the wrong picture. My therapist is not going to abandon me no matter what stupid things I do -- she may want to guide me places I don't feel I am ready to go, or to places to keep me safe (and also don't want to go to). But she continues to show that she is going to be there regardless of how I act. As are all the people involved in my treatment (specifically my two other t's from group therapy -- I could do another long post about their wonderful attributes!).
Finally, I want to reiterate my opening. Thanks for the support. I'm going to keep trying to lean on you, even if I then reject what you offer! I am in this really bad space right now, and your words of understanding, empathy, suggestions -- again, they mean a lot. I don't mean to be flippant when I choose to do my own thing -- I seem to be on self-destruct.
Thanks again.
akc
poster:akc
thread:15121
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20011130/msgs/15121.html