Posted by IsoM on December 6, 2001, at 0:23:04
In reply to What keeps you here????, posted by tina on December 5, 2001, at 21:21:11
There were two periods in my life when I was so low I wanted to be dead - noexistent really as the thought of the pain of death scares me. The first time I started going through the preparations that a person does when they're preparing for death - giving away favourite things, clearing out all things that I didn't want left behind and I didn't even realise what I was leading up to until my youngest son begged me in tears not to keep giving him my little treasures. He could see what was happening. It woke me up to my actions.
The other time isn't important to explain. But both times I thought of the others who needed me. I knew if I died, two of my children would soon follow me - they'd been suicidal before themselves & my death would do it in for them. My kitties needed me too & my Mom would've been devastated. I saw what happened to her when my oldest brother had died in a car accident. I just couldn't do that to anyone I loved.
I've always had to be the strong one for others - encouraging them, looking after their emotional needs too & duty kept me going. I hated the duty sometimes but it's what gave me strength. I'm glad of it now. My depression is now a thing of the past, I just have to work on motivation now.
poster:IsoM
thread:15014
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20011130/msgs/15030.html