Posted by akc on November 30, 2001, at 9:50:50
In reply to Re: I called my T, posted by Roo on November 30, 2001, at 8:51:04
Let's see (by the way, part of this mood I'm in is pretty combatitive -- so I don't mean to offend -- just to comment).
I am on two mood stabilizers at the moment. Topamax and lithium. Lithium has worked well, but the higher the dose, it starts to depress my thyroid. Plus I've had weight gain problems with meds. So we tried to switch me to topamax this past summer. As we upped the dose, I started to get pretty manic, and then dove into a bad depression -- no doubts at all that was chemical (uncontrollable crying from someone who only cries at movies was a dead giveaway). So my pdoc added the lithium back in and we backed down the topamax -- it seemed to be a good mix for about 2 months.
I have a great pdoc. She specializes in people with addictions. She is patient, very knowledgeable, listens to my ideas -- we really discuss things. My only concern is that she is quick to make changes -- when all evidence is that I have not learned how to be a fully functioning adult. How are we to know if it is my meds or my inability to handle emotions if we always change my meds? I really think at least for the near future, I need to leave my meds alone (well, except I have added my trazadone back in -- I'm not sleeping well, and that is a bad thing for me always).
Cognitive therapy -- been there, learned that, try to use it. While my therapist is not a cognitive therapist, she does bring in some of that from time to time. One of the reasons I like her (and the therapists that lead my group therapy) is that they are not beholden to any one philosophy. They have developed their own style - such that it is not easily described, but such that I am very comfortable with it.
But all the therapy, all the drugs, all the 12-step work, all the work I have tried to do over the past few years -- it doesn't seem to have prevented me from getting here. Still unable to identify me feelings -- still wanting to escape the pain -- still wanting to engage in destructive behavior.
I'm really tired.
akc
poster:akc
thread:14584
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20011130/msgs/14602.html