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Re: your first love -- Warning! Very long post ;-) » sar

Posted by Simcha on November 27, 2001, at 15:29:48

In reply to Re: your first love » paxvox, posted by sar on November 27, 2001, at 14:52:57

Sar,

I get into these relationships with men I find attractive at the onset, only to find out later that they are not attractive. For me this has to do with spirit.

My first boyfriend had the most beautiful sea-blue-green eyes. When he smiled his eyes just sparkled. He was born with a cleft pallet and he was still in the process of plastic surgery even 21 years after his birth. That did not matter to me. He was fun to be around at first. It was blind first love. I did not realize in the beginning that he was an alcoholic who was nowhere near ready to deal with any of his issues. The inner beauty I attributed to him was clouded with this ugly specter called "alcoholism" and alas I could not stomach another week with him.

The boyfriend after that had beautiful dark brown eyes and a wicked smile. He had an awful hair-piece (he was only 32!). He had had children with an ex-wife and I even liked his kids! I dreamed of a family with this accountant, but alas, he turned out to be an angry, bitter, alcoholic. That was miserable.

The boyfriend after that smoked, had beautiful blue eyes and a ruggedly handsome face. There was something kind about his spirit. He was over-weight but there was something about him I could not shake. He and I just did not click well enough and that relationship ended.

The boyfreind after that was 12 years older than me. He was fun, creative, a wonderful actor and a good friend. He had sparkling sky-blue eyes. He was short but had a wonderful square jaw-line and a winning smile. He was a recovering alcoholic who had been sober for nearly 13 years when I met him. We were together for over 2 years. But alas, he had many unresolved issues with food, debting, SAD. He never went for treatment for his depression. He got bitter and passive-aggressive. I had to break up with him for my mental health.

Lately I'm dating a really cute guy with dark brown eyes. He's short and slightly overweight. He's creative, a dance instructor, and very spiritual. We have a great time together. He does my laundry and my dishes when he comes over. We talk for hours about nothing and we seem to be well suited to each other. He is a recovering alcoholic. He's been 2+ years sober. I do believe he has underlying GAD. He is trying hypnotherapy and he and I have the same hypnotherapist. I trust that she will let him know if hypnotherapy is not doing the trick. I trust this man with my life. I can see spending the rest of my life with him. This is all very scary and wonderful at the same time.

I guess what I am trying to say is that the outer wrapping does have something to do with attraction but for me there has to be some sort of spiritual attraction. Once past the looks many beautiful people become very ugly indeed. Some not so great looking become more attractive as I get to know them. I'm grateful that I have grown in this sense over the years with dating. I'm not nearly as shallow as I first was when I began dating, thank GOD!

Oh well that was long and I'm sure I've caused some people to pass out on their keyboards in boredom! ;-)

Take Care,
Jason.


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