Posted by mist on November 26, 2001, at 23:20:50
In reply to Why suicide????, posted by Sourceror on November 26, 2001, at 21:32:36
Sourceror,
I have not usually felt an immediate desire to kill myself but for most of my life since early adolescence I have had an almost constant death wish. In other words, I wished it would just happen, or someone else would do the deed (like I'd be caught in the crossfire at a crime scene). I have wondered though at times if it was possible using the "mind/body connection" to will myself to death if I concentrated intensely enough. Too hard for me to believe though.I used to think my death wish was caused by depression but lately I have come to suspect that it's caused instead by anxiety. I realized my desire to die is a fear of the future and what it might bring—either emptiness and deprivation or hurtful or frightening experiences (like having to live on the streets for lack of funds when I'm old—one of my fears). This is one among many reasons I'm taking klonopin instead of an AD at the moment. I've only been on it for three days. Hard to tell but I don't feel like dying at the moment, although I've had mild fluctuations even without meds at times.
St. John's Wort did take away my death wish while I took it but it stopped working after a year or so. -mist
> This is my first post and I guess it is jumping right into the fire. I have dealt with depression most of my life and more recently been diagnosed with bipolar. I am most frustrated right now with the constant reaccuring thoughts of the option of suicide. I wish I would stop having these thoughts as my primary thought process any time things start to get bad. I have started to have these thoughts even at less sever situations. I don't believe I am at any stage to act on it at this point but still it is an ever increasing thought process. I want to change this thought process to a less threatening and more positive way. I don't feel a bad day at work should spark these types of feelings. Does anyone have some suggestions (other than don't do it) on how to help overcome this thought process??
poster:mist
thread:14371
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20011117/msgs/14386.html