Posted by Rosa on October 7, 2001, at 8:43:36
In reply to Re: Abandonment and Rejection » Rosa, posted by kazoo on October 7, 2001, at 3:47:09
His natural father abandoned him when he was small and has remarried. His brothers and sister refuse to accept him and they have no contact unless he initiates the call. (It is unclear whether these are children from the second marriage.) His natural father does not try to contact him.
He is seeking acceptance from his natural father and brothers and sister.
He would like to have a father-son relationship with his stepfather but is unable to do so. What do you suggest?
> A very close friend has abandonment issues with his natural father and his siblings reject him. He has no contact with them unless he initiates it.
> >
> > His stepfather is an active alcoholic and was verbally abusive to him when he was growing up. He takes medication for his anger. He would like to feel acceptance from his stepfather. What would you suggest?
>
>
> ^^^^^^^^^
>
> I suggest your friend bring his step-father to Alcoholics Anonymous to get some help. As long as the old man is drunk, he'll always be abusive and any approach at that level will not only be rejected but considered hostile as well. In other words, there's no reasoning with a sot. Don't even try.
>
> I further suggest that your friend find out why he feels abandoned by his natural father, and if this isn't a form of projection on his part. Why would his biological father reject him, and siblings as well? It doesn't make any sense.
>
> So to come full circle with this scintillating bit of logic, I would forget about engendering a relationship with the "abusive one" and work on a lasting relationship with the real one. At least his natural father doesn't come with baggage that can, and will, only bring your friend down further; hence, the anger issues.
>
> I realize that there are probably other issues involved, but taking your words at face value, I see no other paths out of this maze of psychological dilemma.
>
> Next case, please ...
>
> kazoo
poster:Rosa
thread:12188
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20011006/msgs/12211.html