Posted by Simcha on August 29, 2001, at 8:04:49
In reply to Simcha - more questions, posted by Mair on August 28, 2001, at 21:00:20
>Simcha - please excuse my ignorance and indulge my curiosity. I was always told that the children of Jewish women were considered to be Jews regardless of the faith of the father. (one friend used to joke that this is because you could never be certain about the identity of the father). If this is the case and a goal is the propagation of Jews, why wouldn't rabbis feel differently about mixed marriages involving Jewish women?
Well, this is because a Rabbi wants to make 100% sure that Jewish children are raised in a Jewish home and that they turn out to be Jewish adults. A father who insists on having a Christmas Tree, calling it a "Hannukah Bush" (as some do), and going to church on Sunday might confuse the children. I'm not saying that this thinking is 100% correct. Yet I can see the logic behind it.
>Also, if a ceremony is not conducted by a rabbi, who signs the marriage certificate?
A marriage certificate is not a Jewish document. It is a requirement of the state. A civil ceremony can be performed later to fulfill the requirements of the state. I was merely discussing the requirements for a Jewish religious wedding.
> With regard to your point about ceremonies for mixed marriages, why wouldn't Christian ministers have the same scruples about wanting only to participate in weddings where the goal is a Christian family and Christian children?Some do. Take a look at the Catholics. Most priests will require a couple who is mixed that if they want a Catholic wedding they must agree to raise the children Catholic. It all depends on the denomination of Christian.
>Do you suppose it's easier for them since Christians acknowledge both the old and new testaments? ... But I'm not sure I fully appreciate, given the prevalence of mixed marriages, why it should be such a bigger deal for a rabbi.
A Christian could easily pray in a Synagogue and say "Amen" to almost all of the prayers. We worship the same G-d as you, I guess that Christians call it "God the Father." Yet a Jew cannot go into a Christian Church and pray very easily. Almost all prayers in a Christian Church are offered to Jesus. We do not acknowledge the divinity of Jesus. Therefore a Jew could not say, "Amen" to almost all the prayers said in a Christian Church.
To give you an example. One of my relatives just died, my grandmother, a few weeks ago. She was Catholic. Actually, she was born a Jew, raised a Jew, and converted to Catholicism when she married her fifth husband. I have a very complicated family. Her father was Catholic and her mother was Jewish. They were married in a synagogue, Reform obviously. None of my grandmother's children turned out to be adult Jews, religiously. I have chosen to be Jewish religiously as I am by birth Jewish. I am her only grandchild that is Jewish religiously. Such is the way of mixed marriages sometimes. It tends to work against the Jewish people.
Anyway, I could not participate in most of the prayers in her funeral. It was very odd going to a Catholic funeral for my Jewish grandmother. I was a pall bearer and I read a passage from the Hebrew Bible. I quietly said Kaddish for her while everyone else participated in the mass. It was very surreal for me. There were no prayers uttered by the priest that did not end in "through Christ our Lord." Therefore I could not say "Amen" to any of them. I felt included in the funeral as I also offered a mini-eulogy. It was difficult but I did it.
I am just a lay person. I would think that a Rabbi would attend a Christian wedding but he/she would be hard-pressed to find a point where he/she could reasonably participate. I happen to be very creative and very knowledgeable of the Catholic ceremony so I could find ways to participate in my grandmother's funeral that did not violate my beliefs. A Rabbi who was not raised in such a diverse family might have a more difficult time finding ways to participate in a Christian religious ceremony.
I hope that helps....
poster:Simcha
thread:10346
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20010825/msgs/10438.html