Posted by adamie on August 11, 2001, at 21:39:26
hi. me just found this board. i so far only posted on the medication phycho babble forum. i am not doing well and my 2.5 long accutane depression is so horrible sometimes. accutane depression means that i got my depression from a medication called accutane. i was unaware of the horrid possible long lasting side effects and my life has nearly been over. i am recovering maybe. 2.5 months ago it was complete mind torture where at one point I was completely unreactive to anything, even talking was difficult, it was all in complete monotone, my heart was always pounding, every minute was so hard to bare. suicide was such a huge possibility during those moments. how will my fiance live without me? this i thought among other things. when i was on the accutane the depression didn't even get too bad yet. then i stopped taking it. and those 3 days following were complete torture. 3 days I went from being extremely loving towards my fiance to not even being able to imagine her at all.then it got better. so i thought it had to continue to get better. for 4 weeks i waited as the days seemed to improve slightly. then it was no longer improving and worse again. i had to take something then. i took paxil since it was the only thing the walk in clinic doctor gave me earlier. 24 days on it i didn't feel too well. except the end of the first week on it. I was experiencing a lift in my horrible mood. i was able to go to a theme park. I was enjoying things a bit. then it got worse! dramatic worse. then it stayed very bad for up to those 24 days on the paxil. i decided to quit after reading how paxil is a bad choice for people with concentration problems. mine of which were extremely severe. and also how it's supossed to very often make people numb. i need my full emotions. that is my problem... very severely limited emotions! i need to feel everything again. so i stopped taking it. it wasn't suited for me and also i wasn't feeling any good on it. then 3 days after stopping it i was feeling better. 4th day even better. 5th day the difference was huge. I went from feeling like a 2 to like a 5/10. I was able to enjoy things. I was doing all kinds of things that were once normal to me. and talking with my fiance was so much better. I actually felt loving again. this stayed for 5 days or so. i was like a 6/10. i was so sure i would fully recover sooner or later. then it got suddenly worse. much worse. back down to like a 3/10 or something. then slightly better the next day. i was minorly able to enjoy things. then it was getting worse after a week or so. it was getting too worse. i was getting very desperate. and so i was prescribed effexor since my pdoc finally came back from vacation. I am 4 days on it now at 37.5. tomorrow upping the dose to 75mg. the pdoc said she has had great sucess with it recently and that it works faster than most anti depressants and that it can even work in 2 weeks. so i am hoping to feel better soon. as soon as possible i hope. sometimes i feel pretty hopeless. i will keep waiting it out no matter how hard it is. my life was perfect before. my fiance is perfect. i need to be part of it again. so i'm just trying to have an easy wait until i get better. sometimes it's so hard but i will try to manage. thanks for reading
poster:adamie
thread:9318
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20010807/msgs/9318.html