Posted by dreamer on August 4, 2001, at 21:44:46
I remember the extreme lifestyle .
Thought yes just go back, better the devil you know.
Since i stopped drinking socially I'm a mess easily bored, harmlessly anti-social .
I no longer think this is a phobia or a problem i think it's disinterest in the visible reality and ambience, an idealist, romantic? who knows.
Within my imagination I feel content. Luckily I project my inner world creatively. But sometimes instead of constantly striving for a high from work I urge for a quick escape from this rocky plateau.
A recent slide down called for xtra med dose self medicating. This chemical game to remain mildy to pleasantly hypomanic is just a replacement for alcohol and prevent the slide .
Mood stabilizer would rob me of the euphoric bliss that makes life real and memories become merely bad dreams that I can shake off.
Creatively I need these waves, luckily my pdoc understands.
Inner world inner struggle.
My work is my children so sacrifices have to be made- remain clean and strange.
Just early morning rambling.
poster:dreamer
thread:8692
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20010731/msgs/8692.html