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Re: blackout.... again... epilogue » kid_A

Posted by sar on July 29, 2001, at 1:38:30

In reply to blackout.... again... epilogue, posted by kid_A on July 28, 2001, at 11:45:13

Dear Kid_A,

how long have you been reading PSB? awhile back we had a thread on blackout drinking, which I wanted to quit because I felt it'd so seriously marred many aspects of my life.

what inspired you to take ambien, xanax, alcohol, and a mushroop cap? that is absolutely mind-boggling to me (i've had them all 'tho)--it seems *extremely* excessive, thank god you're alive!

what were you doing before you started this the other night? had it been a bad day, or a normal one, or a normally bad day? :)

what do you think of what ppl told you that you did that you don't remember? can you repent in any way, do you want to?

my buds always knew that i'm hypersensitive enough to get terribly embarrassed over my blackouts, so only sometimes would they tell me what I''d done--i keep track of my dreams hoping some of it will come back to me but it never does.

of course you feel miserable, babe, with all of that in your system, these lost memories and consequences...

i'll tell ya a little story about one of my blackouts: i went to a beer bar with 3 friends who'd no idea I'd been drinking wine for a couple of hours. I became drunk quite quickly but didn't show it; one of my friends thought he'd do some play-around "barroom brawl" stuff with me and ended up knocking me out. He concerned enough to try CPR, but (and this is all up in the air) I probably tried to kiss him when he did that. He stayed up with me all night to make sure I wouldn't fall unconscious (massive bump on me head) and I babbled all night about I Wonder if I'll Have a Nervous Breakdown etc, as he politely listened--the next day he came over and apologized profusely, and I sent him a postcard letting him know that everything was straight + cool.

that happened the right way.

man, Kid_A, I understand the urge to drink & drug so much--but the loss of memory is--well, how detrimental do you think it is? The people around me started off thinking it was cute, then annoying and confusing, then downright alkie + intolerable.

blacking out is sad. it's weird. such a strange phenomena, to not remember...

why do you black out? for me, it was always the most temporary way to live freely and die at the same time. Craziness.

'course it caused wreckage...

i hope you are feeling better.

i can preach that drunk driving is no bueno.

yet i'm off to score some wine.

sar


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poster:sar thread:8094
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