Posted by ShelliR on March 29, 2001, at 11:57:16
In reply to afraid of psychotherapy, posted by mila on March 29, 2001, at 3:07:07
> I am afraid of psychotherapy. I had my first session today, and it was totally unremarkable besides the fact that several hours afterwards I started trembling, felt exhausted, feeble, and fell asleep in the middle of the day.
>
> what confuses me most is that I do not want to go 'back to normalcy', i do not like the way i am now, and i do not want to change for the better. I do not really understand what are my choices or wants. partly this might be due to the effect of Paxil which makes me very apathetic. partly, because i am very very tired of waking uphill. way to the top seems far away, as well as way to the bottom, and i cannot live where i am now either.
>
> this is very perplexing to me. part of me wishes that therapist did something to me that i haven't been able to achieve on my own, and other part fears, that it might mutilate me in ways i cannot foreseen.
>
> what's wrong with me? maybe i do not feel desperate enough?
>
> I'll try to sit still for a while and see whether some answer will emerge.
>
> milaMila, two thoughts. First, maybe you need to add something to Paxil, so that you will not feel so apathetic. Second. Maybe just think about a few things you might want to change about yourself, or your life. Looking up too far or back to far is probably overwhelming. Maybe start out in therapy talking about where you are right now and why you don't want to change for the what you call "the better". ShelliR
p.s. I thought your description of where you are now was really clear and quite beautiful.
poster:ShelliR
thread:5331
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20010324/msgs/5341.html