Posted by r.anne on January 12, 2001, at 0:15:46
In reply to Using Anger To Grow, posted by R.Anne on December 4, 2000, at 22:00:33
> Ijust found this and thought I'd share it:
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> Using Anger To Grow
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> Begin to build a positive self-image by accepting that human needs are real, important, and valid. Take responsibility for seeing that your needs are met.
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> Accept anger as a healthy signal of an unmet need. Such acceptance allows for early recognition and action before emotion builds and is out of control.
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> Define an anger-arounsing situation in a way that calls for a solution as opposed to a threat that calls for an attack.
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> Identify needs by asking, "What am I needing that I'm angry about not getting/being?"
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> Write out complaints and change them to positive requests before delivering them to another person.
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> Ask and negotiate being open to many options to reach your desired goal. )Compare with waiting for someone to assume what you need and give it to you).
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> Emotion is equal to the thoughts that feed them. Be alert to such phrases as: I can't, you never, you always, I don't know, you won't. These exaggerate and escalate emotion.
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> Feelings stay the same as long as you interpret the situation the same. Seek to expand possibilities for interpretation by getting new and updated information.
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> Remain task oriented when aroused, using energy to solve problems.
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> After the problem is solved, use excess energy for sport, exercise,work, etc.
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> Use relaxation skills as a way of tuning into yourself and your needs.
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> Separate wishes from behavior. Feelings and thoughts are not dangerous, behaviors can be. Restraining behavior is not the same as suppressing feeling.
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> Anger is not equal to lack of love. It is okay to be angry in relationship with any person. Distancing oneself from another is detrimental to both (when carried out as a lifelong pattern). Human needs are met through contact with others. Anger indicates a need to share, be heard, and respond.
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> Use joy instead of anger for excitement and stimulation.
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> Consider an angry person as scared. Listen for a need not expressed. Lower your voice as the other escalates. Move toward the person (if it is safe to do so)offering a hand, touch, hug or a caring word.
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poster:r.anne
thread:3435
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20010105/msgs/3865.html